Growing OLD Gracefully

Akon (the singer! is he famous?!!) didnt know his age?!!!What the heck?!

A good friend of mine asked me to read an article posted on the net about stars denying or witholding their actual age (what type? chronological, biological, emotional or social age?)(duh!). Age ain't nothing but a number, but at least most of us know what number we've reached BUT Not Akon!!! This week he told the Associated Press he doesn't have any idea how old he is. "I don't want to know I'm getting older," the hip-hop hitmaker said. "Then I'll start to think about getting checkups and insurance. I don't want that."Weird...really...weird!maybe he needs someone to tell him that everyone wants to stay young forever but sorry akon we all age! thats a reality of life!(I find it very hard to believe Akon does not know his real age. Just a publicity stunt to say that. No one can be 21 forever!).

As I continue to age, I have become much more sensitive to issues of aging. I focus on what I can do to develop grace in the process. Im just sad that for some celebrities---age--is something they are ashamed to admit. I dont know why?! I always believe that there is dignity in admitting one's age! One cannot help but to just tolerate the inevitable decline in strength with a good nature. As we age---we should ALSO accept the RETIREMENT, OLD-AGE INSURANCE COVERAGE AND THE EVENTUAL DEATH with forbearance and composure. These are realities that only the courageous people (and rooted in reality!) can accept. At least when you advance in age--you are assured to be old enough to know better!

Personally--i'd like to grow old--beautifully (not needing all theplastic surgeries or those clothes from the hippest stores!!)--with dignity and with lots of FUN! By choosing to be happy when I age---I will learn to earn every wrinkle and every grey hair on my head which I hope to trully make me happier than I already am today. I am praying that by accepting who and how I have become will make me feel unique. I cant wait to grow old--with elegance and extraordinary happiness!

mOvIEs fOr PerSonAl GrOwTh

Friends often describe my personal growth interventions as ECLECTIC! When I attend conventions, I easily get bored when I am fed with specific approaches on handling clients. I mentioned in my previous entries how I love integrating music, arts and movies (even stories via bibiliotherapy) in all the interventions I give to each of my clients. I specifically love songs and movies(though I'm not a movie fanatic!). There are few movies that I personally love and often I recommend to clients--these movies illustrates issues usually addressed in therapy. Let me share some of them:

• The Kid (Disney) starring Bruce Willis - THE ISSUE: HEALING THE CHILD WITHIN. This film is a perfect illustration of how heling one's wounded child should be. Bruce Willis plays Russ, a 40-year-old, self-centered but successful "image consultant" who is failing in his personal life. What struck me the most in the movie was the statement of his girlfriend: "Every time I'm ready to walk away because I think you'll never be able to love, I see the little boy in you and what you could be." You can watch the movie to see how things turn out, but the essence is that many individuals who suffered in childhood do not realize that their adult relationship problems are directly related to their unhealed emotional wounds from childhood. This powerful movie brings to life the process of learning to embrace and accept one's wounded child and the personal growth that follows from such healing.


• The Passenger starring Anne Hataway. The issue presented by the movie was ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. The story focused on Hatahway as a grief counsellor (Hathaway) helping six plane crash survivors. She develops a special connection with one of them (we’re guessing romantic, but you never know what they’ve got in store) but is drawn into a possible conspiracy when the other survivors start to vanish mysteriously. So what do you think she does? No, not run away and refuse to get involved… she investigates.


• Clean and Sober starring Michael Keaton (my fav!) and Morgan Freeman (another fav!) - the issue of the movie was on ADDICTION AND RECOVERY. Clean and Sober is one of the best films depicting addiction. Michael Keaton plays Daryl, a hustling real estate agent addicted to cocaine. When his life cascades out of control, he decides to hide out in an anonymous inpatient addiction treatment facility. There he encounters Craig (Morgan Freeman), an addiction counselor and recovering addict, who knows addicts inside and out. Clean and Sober accurately illustrates the difficulties addicts face in overcoming denial and trying to regain control of their lives.


• When a Man Loves a Woman with Meg Ryan (sleepless in Seatlle!) and Andy Garcia - THE ISSUES: RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION and CODEPENDENCY. When a Man Loves a Woman skillfully illustrates why alcoholism is a family disease. This film stands out, not only for its realistic portrayal of recovery from alcoholism, but also for the accompanying portrayal of recovery from the "addiction" of codependency, which often exists in the dysfunctional person's partner.


• Dangerous Minds starring Michelle Pfeiffer. Louanne Johnson is an ex-marine, hired as a teacher in a high-school in a poor area of the city. She has recently separated from her husband. Her friend, also teacher in the school, got the temporary job for her. After a terrible reception from the students, she tries unconventional methods of teaching (using karate, Bob Dylan lyrics etc) to gain the trust of the students.


• Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe - THE ISSUE: THE PROCESS OF ACCEPTING MENTAL ILLNESS. Beautiful Mind is the true story of John Forbes Nash, Jr., played by Russell Crowe, a brilliant mathematician who won the Nobel prize for mathematics. This inspirational story brings to life Nash's painful journey into accepting, understanding, and learning to manage the paranoid schizophrenia from which he was suffering. In the process, Nash learned that medications helped and that his mind was capable of creating stories (delusions) and voices (hallucinations) that have no basis in reality.


• Antwone Fisher starring Denzel Washington - THE ISSUE: HEALING THE HURT THAT FUELS ANGER. This autobiographical story of the real-life Antwone Fisher, played by Derek Luke, skillfully illustrates the process of treating anger problems by healing the hurt within.


• Peaceful Warrior (2005), with Nick Nolte - THE ISSUES: MINDFULNESS AND LIVING IN THE MOMENT. This powerful film, based on the best-selling autobiographical novel by Dan Millman, a promising college gymnast with Olympic aspirations, brings to life Dan's struggle to overcome his fears, pride, childhood hurt, and loss after a serious motorcycle accident.


• Stand and Deliver. Jaime Escalante is a mathematics teacher in a school in a hispanic neighbourhood. Convinced that his students have potential, he adopts unconventional teaching methods to try and turn gang members and no-hopers into some of the country's top algebra and calculus students. THE ISSUE: PERSEVERANCE AND LOVE FOR WORK.

Watch out for more recommeded movies in my next entries! for the meantime--happy watching!

TiReD and ReStLess

This week--i've been literally making the world mine by trying to do the impossible---I worked 10 hours a day--monday to friday--i went to manila (thats 12 hours by bus!) in the evening of friday and arrived in Manila early for my internship--then went to my class (PhD) in the afternoon of saturday--then slept and spent the whole sunday running errands while still working (internship!). This monday--i felt the painful effect of abusing my health and my body! Today, after arriving from manila (at 6 am)--i prepared to go to work at 8 am---i was in my office quarter before 8 to work on my backlogs---now--its 7 PM--still working and i'm still down to the dumps!

Today--I felt that the world was not mine--the world was against me. There's even a name now for the phenomenon I've been proving for myself: presenteeism. It's when people (like me!) who should be absent from work -- because they're tiredness was contagious or feeling so lousy they can't do their jobs -- aren't.Honestly--today--it's almost painful trying to keep myself awake, and I become dizzy and disoriented. This is the worst feeling i got from being tooooooooo motivated!

I guess i learned my lesson well today! neth--have a life! take a break!

Helping Children One at a Time

In my personal advocacy, I always believe that child protection is considered a universal right essential to the survival and development of children. This right SHOULD first be protected and given by the state to our vulnerable population--the children. Many social scientists and political analyst believes that abuse, neglect, exploitation and discrimination are grave threats to the development of children, its citizenry and the whole community as a whole. But reality strikes us on the face---children now faces more abuses, exploitation and rejection. Every client in my center has their own stories to tell. Everyday, I am faced with the different faces of childhood pains and stuggle. Every child/teen gives me the urgent reason to start immediately whatever things I can do to help children one at a time–simply because the children cannot wait. They are the future of our country. Everytime I think about the real situation of the Filipino children--I cannot help but feel sad and frustrated for the kind of life they are now facing. Let me open your eyes on the real situation of our children:


● There are 37.6 million children (below 18 years old) in the current total population
● 70% of these children live in the rural areas
● 11 million Filipinos live in extreme poverty (Global Hunger Index).
● Children in poverty situation is about 80% of its total population given that average family income has declined by more than 30% since 2001 up to now (IBON).
● Hunger hits new record high of 19% (8 million families) in last quarter of 2006, while hunger remains high in Mindanao at 22% (Social Weather Station).
● 8 out 10 Filipinos cannot afford health care. (Health Alliance for Democracy)
● About 5 million are working children, aged 5-17. Child labor is mainly rural and male; 94% are 10-14 years old.
● About 3 million of them are engaging in worst forms of child labor such as in commercial sexual exploitation, plantation farms, mining and quarrying, etc. 180,000 are child miners (PACT)
● 1.5 million street children; increasing annually by 630,000 – and are vulnerable to prostitution and trafficking.

There are about 37.6 million children (below 18 years old) in the current total population and 70% of these children are living in the rural areas. Children are vulnerable due to socio-economic status and for being a child. In the case of girl-child, vulnerability is tripled with the addition of gender as a sensitive issue.

Given this and the present state of Filipino children, one can conclude that the Philippines still has a long way to go in terms of building a beautiful future for our children. Much still needs to be done especially in the areas of child protection, welfare and health. Child-focused agencies should be strengthened to ensure their effective response to children’s needs. Communities assisting children need to be empowered and supported.This what really motivated me to put up my center--CHILDREN AND YOUTH WELLNESS TECHNICAL AND ADVOCACY CENTER (CYWTAC). Through this center, we hope to be able to transform in a positive way the lives of children and young people at risk--- ONE AT A TIME!

CYWTAC---Since 2005, has paved the way in the promotion of total wellness in children and teens, prevention of violence and neglect against children … keeping children safe. We also hope to strengthen families by integrating various psychological interventions and approaches to help children who have been in difficult circumstances and their families.CYWTAC through its educational programs hope to redefine parenting and create kid success with prevention strategies and positive changes in parenting and family attitudes through seminars and training programs. Our goal is to build strong and healthy children, teens and communities through prevention, empowerment and hope.

COME--DREAM WITH US! It only takes a minute to hurt a child and destroy a life BUT it ALSO takes a minute to make a difference!

My SpEciAl DaTeS

Every weekend--I always look forward to my special dates---dates with my clients (children and teens) at the center (I founded a wellness center for children and teens) and each meeting rejuvenates my entire being. Every meeting gives me new lessons to learn and virtues to reflect on---honestly--my weekly sessions with my clients makes me appreciate life more. In most instances--I prefer to be with children than with unhealthy (in all aspects) adults. Children are innocent and open to life fully. When they pretend, they know it is only pretending. There is no greater innocence on the face this earth had than children. Likewise, there is nothing more marvelous that one can do than affirm the innocence of children. If there is one thing I learned from children and from adults, it is that adults think they should teach children, but on the contrary, there is more for adults to learn from children than they have to teach them. Not that we should not do our best to prepare the little ones for the life they will have to take part in, but as adults we are trying to let go of much we have been miss-taught in order to become sane again.





My dear little friends always remind me how important it is to be joyous. In the midst of my extremely hectic life, they always make me stop and find the wonder in every little things, how to be trilled by the stories of old friends and how to experience heart felt laughter at the antics of other people's humor. I am deeply grateful for my weekly contacts with my little teachers because they keep me sane. When faced with boredom or stress, they always make me look at different avenues to have fun.

As a trainer, and as someone who has a vested interest in the growth and development sessions for people (regardless of whether I’m a part of it or not), I’m fortunate to carry around this kernel of kindergarten wisdom to summarize my weekly learning from my little teachers. Let us (adults) always be reminded that the most basic aspects of life bear its most important opportunities.In today's chaotic world, may these little reminders (from our children) resonate even deeper — in our inner core as we discover how universal insights can be found in children's wisdom and in ordinary events:

May we all find that teacher within us, to guide us home to the Heart of Laughter and Joy.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

The OBAMA FeVer

My mother and father are probably one of the billions who slept late last night just to witness the extra-magical (and expensive in the midst of financial crisis!duh!) inaguration (should i say global inaguration?!) of Barack Obama! my parents (who use to sleep at 9 PM) were widely awake the entire inaguration rites--glued to CNN and HBO (even the movie channel was bitten by the obama fever!) as they listen to the excitement-filled speech of the first afro-american president. A man who 12 weeks ago was a mere political candidate was transformed before a vast crowd and a television audience in the hundreds of millions if not billions, into the head of state of the most powerful nation on earth. whew--if only the television sets could talk--im sure they will complain of nausea due to this phenomenal obama fever!. As I look into the charisma of obama--i cant help but understand why americans, asians and africans go "ga-ga" over this new president---not only because he looks so righteous but he does seem blessed with the poise and stature that befits a head of state. His governance theme also fits to the current situation of america and the world--that's why he probably won the hearts of the the americans and the world as well. His theme of responsibility, the notion that government cannot solve America's vast problems alone, that everyone has to pitch in, fits nicely with his insistence that he will be able to work no miracles as president; that tackling the deepening economic crisis will be the stuff of long and cooperative hard work. Many Filipinos can somehow relate to his theme---obama's governance is a ray of hope for filipinos. Like his governance--Filipinos also know that in terms of solving the numerous Philippine problems--there will be no overnight fix. Everybody has to pitch in-Obama's caution and realism only make people admire him more. Obama's paradoxes of a man who insists that he is no magician - is a ray of hope for nations of desperate state.

AnGels On EaRtH

No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care parents renders to their children. After the birth of each child , parents looks after him/her and brings him/her up with enormous love and tender affection. I cannot deny that my parents brought me and my siblings in that kind of condition. No wonder--all of us grew up to be good children (in my own standards of course!), God-fearing ( at least no one among us committed crime against person or property!--yet!) and family-loving persons (special mention are my sisters who have a family of their own!).

My father is special. He is always there whenever we need him. He provides everything that we need (he is a good provider, capable, willing to labor hard to provide shelter for his family!). His presence in our life is one of the reason why I cannot stop being grateful to God for giving me a special guardian--my FAther! For me, everyday is a day to celebrate the goodness of his fatherhood! I strongly believe that my father should not judged by how much he earned or how many material goods he can provide or have provided. What does matter is how he introduced, educated, and guided his children to what is good and morally right. My father clearly achieved that!When I look back on my relationship with my father, I have numerous memories of playing, enjoying and looking at life seriously with him. My father gave me a wonderful opportunity to learn how to encourage, to warn, to teach, to counsel, and to model Christian life without insecurity, selfishness or pride. Truly, he is a blessing!

The passionate love, the natural grace and the influence of my mother to me and my siblings are unconditionally rewarding beyond all virtues. Like Mama Mary, Mama Lyd showed us how it is to be perfectly submissive to God and that His (GOd) perfect will should be concretize in all our actions. For 31 years, my mother patiently showed all the motherly virtues: compassion for children (Isaiah 49:15), comfort of children (Isaiah 66:13) and sorrow for children (Jeremiah 31:15, Matthew 2:18). She is happy when her children are happy, sad when her children are in sorow and always ready to sacrifice when needed. Mama Lyd is like a beautiful flower that is ever-blossoming irregardless of season. She offers all the hope of a rainbow that follows a spring shower and does not fail to put a ray of smile into the troubled heart of her child, thus mending all its woes and keeping it warm.

Though we are duty-bound to honour our parents, many times we fail so miserably even to spare quality time with them... I know I am guilty of that too! As I go on with my fragile life--I know that I will forever be grateful for the love my mother and father shared with me and my siblings. They were perfectly sent to us by God. They will forever remain as our pillars of strength...our angels on earth!

StResS@WoRk

My work is stressful--I must admit that!With the changing lifestyle, demands and pressures at work, I find it harder than ever to cope with challenges on the job--which I bet many people can relate with as well! Both the stress I take with me when I go to work and the stress that awaits me on the job are on the rise – and employers and subordinates all feel the added pressures!As I reflect on my job--I soon realized that the nature of my work is changing at whirlwind speed. Perhaps now more than ever before, job stress poses a threat to my self (physically) and my colleagues as well.

While some stress is a normal part of life, excessive stress interferes with your productivity and reduces one's physical and emotional health, so it’s important to find ways to keep it under control. Fortunately, there's a lot that we can do to manage and reduce stress at work. The ability to manage stress in the workplace can make the difference between success or failure on the job. So, what are the stress management techniques that works for me(that may work for you too!)---let me share them with you:

MY STRESS SUTRA

1. I make reading a stress-reliever! For some--reading can be a source of stress but for me--reading is something that relaxes me! When I read--its like I'm in another lifetime---reading transports me to a different world.

2. Balance between work and family or personal life. I personally see to it that I dont bring work at home. Spending time with family and friends help me recover my depleted energy! I always remind myself that heavy workload, infrequent rest breaks, long work hours and shiftwork; hectic and routine tasks that have little inherent meaning, do not utilize my full skills and provide little sense of control!So why not take a break if you feel that stress building. Walk away from the situation. Take a stroll around the block, sit on a park bench, or spend a few minutes meditating. Exercise does wonders for the psyche. But even just finding a quiet place and listening to your iPod can reduce stress. (I love my ipod really---it makes wonders!)Personally, when I am stressed out--I find and protect whatever time I get to refresh, re-energize and re-motivate myself. I spend quality time with my family because they are excellent source of emotional and moral support.

3. A support network of friends and coworkers matters a lot! Family and friends do wonders in terms of stress management! In my case---im more than happy to have supportive collegues and bosses! Their presence matters a lot in terms of my own stress management coping skills! Truly--they possess the GIFT OF PRESENCE!

4. A relaxed and positive outlook matters. Staying connected with my internal emotional experience help me manage my own emotions. Knowing what you are feeling will not only add to your self confidence and improve your self control but enhance your understanding of others and help you build more satisfying relationships.

5. I cultivate allies at work. Just knowing that I have one or more co-workers who are willing to assist me in times of stress truly reduces my stress level. I just always remember to reciprocate and help them when they are in need as well.

6. I find humor in the situation. When I– or people around me– start taking things too seriously, I find a way to break through with laughter by sharing a joke or funny story. Believe me---it works!

Today, job stress is more common than in any other days and the competition being cut throat, people will persevere through anything.Knowing every factor about stress and how it affects you will enable you to deal with stress more specifically because you will be able to identify every aspect of stress at work. Always remember that we are always in control of our life----so we can manage stress!

HAPPY WORKING!

Single and Satisfied!

Im 31---single, unattached and happy! Little has been spoken about being single at 31----fairytales painfully strikes me hard on my face especially the part where-- living “happily ever after” meant finding your Prince Charming or Princess and being saved from a life of loneliness (duh!). Living single at 31 in my province is truly a struggle---(relatives always remind you of your being always the bridesmaid and never the bride!). Unspoken languge is pressingly painful when people start asking you the brutal question of: "have you not met mr right yet?!--what a pity!)If I could shout to the world that its fun to be single--i would--just imagine the enormous benefits of being happy and unattached! In being single:

• You don't have to feel guilty about staring at an extremely handsome man in the coffee shop. Dating is a fun activity. You get to know new people and you can have casual about anything and everything


• Your money is your own. If you want to spent your mothly salary in Hong KOng or plainly divisoria--- it's entirely up to you. There's no one to nag you to put it in the bank for a rainy day (except when your parents enters the picture!)


• By being single--you manage your moods by your own--your partner can’t come home and dampen your mood! You can frown even until you close your eyes to sleep! and the extreme part of it--you dont suffer in silence--when your partner SNORES!


• You can decorate and redecorate your room--or house--anytime! No one will nag you to pick your own trash! You also won’t have to pick up socks or underwear that isn’t yours! (imagine!)


• You don’t answer to anyone. If friday is your yoga day--or poker game with friends no one can tell you otherwise. If you want to go to the gym or eat popcorn for dinner? Go ahead and be merry!


• You can devote more time to your career.


• Meet your friends whenever you’d like and "ukay" to the max!


• You only have one set of family and relatives (in laws!) to deal with. While it can be great to have a large family , it can also be a pain in the ass at times. If you’re someone that prefers a more quiet dinner and holidays by just dealing with one goofy family (your own!), being single can afford you a calmer celebration.

Please dont get me wrong--I am an advocate of married life--if you feel that IT IS PART OF GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU (and you're conscious about it) --JUST GO FOR IT--but if you feel that god is calling you in this kind of life (single blessedness!) then--don't die of desperation---there is life in being single and unattached!

a time for everything