Anger Management (Part 2)

I believe that once you work with people, it's a must to learn the art of anger regulation! I remember a friend who told me last week of an incident where her boss suddenly burst out his anger (directed at my friend) in front of other people. I knew immediately how this friend of mine was affected because she cried her heart-out right after she went out of his office. Honestly--I knew from that time that I should comfort her and tell her soothing words, but you see, human as I am, my memory flashed back--back to the time when I had that very same experience with that same boss. Honestly, I cannot help but feel angry and eventually turn into a monster! I keep asking myself why he has to hurt another human being again through his unguarded rage--but i tried and succeeded in calming myself! As a psychologist, I always believe that people who are easily angered generally are those with very low tolerance for frustration, inconvenience or annoyance--but this reality should not give us the license to hurt others! It's simply unacceptable!

I had my share of the so called--"full-fledge rage"--but I feel that I am aware (thanks God!) of my emotions... although anger is a natural adaptive response to threats, we cannot physically and emotionally lash out at every person or even objects that irritates or annoys us. Many people believe that anger should be expressed--i cannot help but agree--anger should be expressed than suppressed---but i believe that the healthiest way to express this emotion is through assertive and sensitive means than via aggressive outburst. Everyone feel angry and says and does something he/she regrets after some time--this is normal...but when this anger is damaging relationships, making you (the source of anger) or the victim (of your rage) miserable and thus lead to losing respect (to self and you), then it's a sign that probably that person needs help. I'm a believer in the power of human relations. Anger management is a primary skill when working with people. I hope this boss will remember that more than the failure or the little annoyances or frustrations, he is still working with human beings--who--just like him--have feelings, imperfect (!), needs to be respected and most importantly---like HIM---a PERSON (with dignity!). Like Aristotle---I am a firm believer that anger is normal and an element of humanity--but be angry with the right person, with the right degree, the right time and for the right purpose and most importanly--the right way because you'll never know --you might make the best speech you will ever regret in your life! Whatever is begun in anger, always end up in shame!

Loneliness Explored!

A blog follower of mine sent me a very touching email...she is currently based abroad and she asked me to help her with her lingering loneliness (especially because she is physically away from her support system and totally living her life in a foreign land). While huge number of people suffer from loneliness--very few are willing to talk about it and mostly, don't know what to do with this feeling. Believe me, loneliness is a very real feeling, other than being emotionally painful, loneliness can zap all our human energies and can turn our world upside down. I perfectly understand my reader's emotional state.

Loneliness, like any other negative emotions, can have enormous effect psychologically, spiritually and even physically on the person. The brain is so powerful that when we are lonely, our body can experience physical illnessess or even can depress immunity. So, the more we romanticize loneliness, the more we become sick, phsyically. Many studies also showed that lonely people are drawn to depression and other depressive-like symptoms. In other words, loneliness and depression can feed off eachother, each perpetuating eachother.

So, how can we really overcome loneliness (due to isolation or social exclusion)? Allow me give you some points to consider:

1. Seek support online. There are so many support groups online for loneliness. Although this will take extra precautionary measures since many of these support groups would just amplify your emotions. The best support groups are your friends, your work-buddies and your family!

2. Volunteer. Be it in your local church or charities. Sorrounding yourself with people whom you can emotionally socialize with will help you a lot too. Becoming a volunteer for a cause you believe in has the same effect as enrolling in a class. Furthermore, helping other people will bring greater life satisfaction, happiness and the possiblity of meeting people who might become your friends in the future.

3. Strengthen Existing relationships. Nurture your existing relationships by enhancing your connection with them. Call, email and chat with friends, family members, etc.,.

4. Sorround yourself with happy people. Don't go with people who will in-turn deplete your energy and amplify your loneliness.

5. If you cannot practice the sacrament of LAUGHTER...then...just smile often. Smiling boosts your immune system and produces happy hormones in your brain! Believe me, it's scientifically proven!

6. Go out and smell the flowers. Listen to happy music. Get a four-legged fury friend. Jog. Dance to music.

Loneliness is a form of needing companionship and support..so be sensitive to your personal needs so you can respond to them properly. Believe that a higher power is within you!

Anger Regulation Simplified

Anger is FACT OF LIFE! I'm sure all of us have gone through life with a legitimate anger or even numbers of exxagerated outburst of fury---in essence we grew up with anger even from the beginning of life. Anger is a completely normal emotion, however when anger gets out of control and gets destructive, this can lead to problems--in school, at work and with personal relations.

Anger Regulation is a life skill that all of us should nurture. Allow me to share with you my new guidebook on anger regulation. Please watch out for the release of this educational publication this February 2010. It's a new way to start 2010 with this simple yet helpful book.

Please visit http://www.cywtac.com/ for the details on how you can get a copy.

Year-end Reflections

2009 has just ended and another year has begun--so what's next for me? What's in-store for me this new year? I would love to think about these points from time to time... life has been so good to me in the past years (with it's little highs and lows--winning and losing at the same time!)--and I can't help but pray that this year would be extra special for me. After reviewing my life last year--it's pretty wierd to ask myself now how am I doing? where am I right now? Have I've been more of a loser or a winner? an inspiration or a whiner?

Well, honestly, truth to tell, I dont really know! Maybe this is what I get for taking life as it is--but on the contrary--I felt good for my little accomplishments last year-- I was blessed and I know I definitely need to spread the news.

Another year--another chance to life. I can feel that this year will have suprise packages for me. I know this new year will defy my expectations. I am expecting for momentous and life changing events to happen! So--goodbye to last years ;ife events (2009) and hello to what's yet to come!

For this year, I'd like to:

• get more organized


• Help others even more (in my advocacy)


• publish more books/educational materials to reach out to more people through my advocacy


• travel..and learn more


• get out of debt(!?)


• Tame the bulge (Weight!)--Fit in fitness


• Spend more time with family


• put more extra string in my spirituality

Well, my list can go on and on--but even though these resolutions could certainly be forgetten when "february" kicks in---it's still a great time to listen to whatGod might be asking me to consider.

Happy New Life to All of Us!

Life Lessons Revisited

I met my students today (after a long christmas vacation!) and they were caught unprepared for the pre-activity I asked them to do before we started the formal lesson......well, i asked them to nurture their intrapersonal dimension by revisiting the life lessons they learned in 2009. I was amazed by the beautiful revelations and sharing of life lessons from my students....these insights were not only eye openers for my other studets but a source of inspiration for me to continue working with young people. Allow me to share some of the most beautiful and heart-warming life insights from my students:

• Joy & anger are all vital factors in being human. That its okay to be angry if you must.


• That love is beyond what one can see physically...


• That bad things even happen to GOOD people...but what differentiates the good from the bad is that good people are always victorious!


• Uncertainty is caused by lack of knowledge and hesitation is the product of fear!


• Time do heal all wounds...


• Most of the time, what you are looking for is just infront of you!


• Kindness and hardwork will bring you to places


• People desreves a second chance but not a third!


• If there should be one important hobby--it should be taking pictures...one day you'll be glad you've captured those moments.


• You cannot force another person to love you..love is always voluntary!


• That its a must to look good before you sleep..you'll never know if you will wake up in the morning.
• Not everyone that shits you is an enemy!


• That reality most of the time is painful!

Life is truly the greatest teacher...everyday is an opportunity to grow as a person!