SiSteR's AcT

Yesterday, I had a special date--date with the nuns of the Servants of Jesus! Spending my sunday with them was definitely worth it! My session with them taught me to appreciate these simple people who have given their lives to the service of God and the Church. Just like my previous sessions with other congregations (both catholic and non-catholics), I do not just experience a change of heart and soul, but rather, there is also a change in my physical and spiritual realm. Personally, it is always inspiring to see consecrated young ladies out in public living their life for Jesus. In my short time with them, what became obvious to me was their life of loving intimacy with Our Lord. Yesterday, I did not just reached out to people with my training ministry--but more than that--i gained more friends!

Thank you sisters for the gentle presence! Kita Kita tayo sa muling pagbabalik!

My ReBirTh @ 32!

Yesterday I turned 32!!!!! You will not believe it but---i felt so rejuvenated adding another year in my biological age! Some close friends teased me for being out of the calendar (my age) but I told them wittingly that at least Lotto tickets have my age!!!! (duh!-great humor?!!!). A birthday is a time to celebrate birth itself, the joy of life.

Like my previous birthdays--I know I have to be thankful again for my "symbolic" rebirth! To recall our birth is to recall a new beginning. Birthdays for me are constant reminders of my new beginning. Birthday is still a momentous occasion (although, as I grow older--i plan to make each celebrations simplier and with so much prudence!). April 21 is the commemoration of my birth---a chance to remember the day that a major event occurred (of course--my birth!), to celebrate and give thanks and to reflect upon how well I am fulfilling my calling. As a person, I think it is but good to be thankful for what we have in life and what we have accomplished. So far, my 31 years of existence had been a wonderful journey of simple successess and failures. It is also an occasion to rethink how i'm living my life: what I have accomplished and what I can accomplish? How can I strengthen the thread that connects my outer life and my inner life? How much goodness and genuine good intention did I placed in all my previous undertakings? etc.. Birthdays are refreshers, chances for regeneration--not just materially but spiritually.

This year, I decided to celebrate my birthday quietly--I thanked my family and closest friends for their gentle presence in my life (as they greet me of course!) and just went with my day as simple as possible. More than the little jokes of celebration--I think there is no better way to celebrate a birthday than to commit special acts of goodness. You see, its easy enough to say you are thankful but it is far better to show it by doing a kind deed, something that you did not do yesterday. So my day went generally typical--except of course with my little additional kindness and generosity as I injected even more happiness in my inter and intrapersonal connection with myself and with others. Such acts of kindness gives the greatest pleasure!

Another year--another chance for a lifetime.

sToP, LoOk & LiStEn

Many have written and said their pieces on the recent tragedy in the family of Ted Failon (ABS-CBN). The media has sensationalized this event. From TV, print, radio, and specially in the internet. It’s one of the hottest news item in the web. I can see that many sympathizers are bothered by what they have been seeing in the news lately where Policemen are on an arresting spree with anyone who gets in their way. I’ve been following this story since the news broke out and what I am more concerned is the baseline issue of the story--the suicide of Ms. Etong. As a mental health professional, I am sad as the story unfolds---Mrs. Etong, before her suicide, showed signs, verbally made her plans known--but no one took the red flags seriously! I know her friends and family saw the warning signs---they were obvious in their stories---but they never taught she (mrs etong) would do it! I've been through a painful experience of losing a friend through suicide and what i learned from that experience is that we must approach the issue and the person with outmost depth and sincerity. After giving signs and red flags--friend and family must believe that the person could die before they even see him/her again.Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide will show some clue or warning. Concerned friends and family members should not ignore these suicide threats. True concern and empathy are crucial. .

When I talk to families and friends of my clients who exhibits suicidal tendencies, they usually tell me that the suicidal person him/herself did not not ask for help--even if they see the signs BUT YOU SEE ----this does not also mean mean that help isn't wanted! Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. You might be afraid to bring up the subject, but talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life. Speak up if you're concerned and seek professional help immediately! Through understanding, reassurance, and support, you can help your loved one overcome thoughts of suicide.

So, how can we truly help a person showing the red flags?

1. Speak up--if you're worried for the person--tell the person honestly. If you're unsure whether that person is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask him/her directly. Giving the individual the opportunity to express his or her feelings may prevent a suicide attempt. The person may even be relieved that you brought up the issue.

2. Respond Quickly. Do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone! (i think this is what the friends and family of mrs etong failed to do!) Inform the family members and the trusted people of the suicidal perosn. Seek help if necessary!

3. It's also wise to remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity. In some cases, involuntary hospitalization may be necessary to keep the person safe and prevent a suicide attempt.

4. Convince the person to seek help--in any form--spiritual or counseling. Do everything in your power to get a suicidal person the help he or she needs. Call a crisis line for advice and referrals. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help locate a treatment facility, or take them to a doctor's appointment.

For the meantime, let us leave the etong family for a while so they can grieve for their loss. As for us, there are hundreds of modest steps we can take to improve our response to a suicidal friend or family member--and ways to make it easier for them to seek help. Taking these modest steps can save many lives and reduce a great deal of human suffering.

CouPleHood Lesson 1

Marissa (one of the participants in one of my youth trainings) sent me an email asking how she and her boyfriend can maintain their long distance relationship (the guy is now based in Manila, studying). It's hard enough to make local relationships work, really--- but having miles and sometimes even an ocean between lovers can make it even more difficult! Most of those who are in these kind of relationships have failed to maintain the loving relationship and have broken up even though what they have may have been a very promising relationship. Believe me, the effort in making the relationship work is tripled for those separated by distance! However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. I'm sure nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his/her life. Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good avenue to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the other partner (remember our lucid moments alone!). But what is frustrating is the fact that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing (at least between the meetings!) Definitely, you will experience difficulties in emotionally connecting with the person because there is no physical intimacy involved. But these should not stop your heart from loving, right?! You see, long distance relationships can work.....if both of you want it to work! So here are the tips/guidelines I sent to Marissa to help her make this relationship work--

1. First and foremost--BOth of you must have a true interest in each other---I mean a deep and genuine emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or just technologically meeting eachother ( via chat or email).

2. At the onset of the separation, its important to ask your partner important questions that will help you both in having clear parameters of the relationship. Parameters would include--your status (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)and agreeing on your extent of your status (exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive). These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line.

3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. You need all the help you can get, so why not using the glorious benefits of a modern communication world. Call, text..email.Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Write letters. Do not underestimate the marvelous feeling, when you look in your letter box and find a letter from your love, open it and see his/her writing. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason.

4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family. Most importantly, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterwards and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference.

7. Try to see each other every month at least once.Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to.

8. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead.

9. As mentioned before, trust is essential. I recommend avoiding some specific situations where you will be tempted to be unfaithful to your partner. Do not date the opposite sex alone, or go to wild parties. Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other. Be faithful!

Watch out for people with skepticism. Many will tell you that long distance relationships never work (especially those who have had negative experiences about it--to hell with them!). Don’t listen to them. Long-distance relationships can still facilitate valuable opportunities for partners to experience growth, maturity and bonding together.

Long Distance Relationship can definitely work, but you both have to believe it! This type of relationship exposes ongoing life lessons and will prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.

My BOoK---its finally out!

Please watch out for my book in all National Bookstore Branches! Its the first Anti-bullying book in the Philippines! I'm happy that God is giving me avenues to reach more people in my ministry. Its pretty affordable--so please get a copy!

My next project--a textbook in Child and Adolescent Development--is currently in its editing phase---I hope it will be released this year!