Who will I Vote?

All is set for the national and local elections this May 2010. Candidates kicked off their colorful but dramatic campaign trail not only in major cities of this country but even in far-flung provinces. Like the country itself, the election season in the philippines remains to be vibrant, colorful yet chaotic. Honestly, for the past months, I am strongly tempted to write about what I see, hear and experience but I remained quiet because I want to primarily give every candidate the benefit of the doubt. The campaign period is now full-blast and the country's fate is once again in the hands of the Filipino people. Each vote will dictate the future of this small and fragile country. I pray that whatever the result of this election ----it will tide us over!

Sharing with every Filipino people's genuine hope for change, as much as possible I do not want to underestimate who the people will choose--reluctantly, frustratingly, desperately or whole-heartedly. I am keeping my faith for the people to be able to choose the best person who will once again revive the glory the Philippines and bring what it truly deserves. I know for many of the voters, choosing will be a rough and difficult task--just imagine the diversity and the dramatic subliminally emotional campaign shoutout of the different candidates for this election?

-One claimed to have experienced sleeping on a short bench in the market and the death of a brother because the family didn't have money for medicine and proper health care. The message is truely powerful: that he is dirt-poor! But Solita Monsod of Phil. Daily Inquirer wrote in her coloumn entitled: "Awesome Claims" that the brother of this senator actually died at FEU Hospital (with a reputation back then as Makati Med or St. Lukes would have now) on Oct. 13, 1962 after 13 days of hospitalization (didn't have money for medical care?!). Not to mention that this senator actually made a 560 sqm lot a home in Tondo. Too big for a boy to sleep in a short bench!

-Or how about this one candidate who claimed to restore a clean gorvernment for this country when in fact his family is still in conflict with the tenants of their hacienda? How about his support to the infamous Reproductive Health Bill?

-Or this handsome presidentiable who seem to have multiple intelligences. He can fly an airplane, a bemedalled military man, brilliant lawyer and who runs under the flagship of a woman president whose controversies are enormously dirt-big!

Now more than ever the Filipino people should thibnk before casting their votes. With a ready heart, think about each candidate. Who among the many can make a difference? Are we going to give chance to new faces with genuine clear platforms or shall we stick to the old people who disappointed us year after year?

So, who shall I vote?

Home is Where the Heart Is

Last night I had a very unforgettable dream--it was so vivid and clear that until mid-morning today--the scenes kept playing over and over in my mind. The image of Lola Nanay (Nanay Paning) and Mama Cion talking to eachother was amazingly recreated with the backdrop of our old house in Nabua and the topic of their conversation was about the family...The two of them looked so alive in that dream--I heared them talk about keeping the family close and connected. It was a very short but very meaningful dream. Even though I have come a long long way in the study of scientific psychology, the meaning of dreams is still a bit of a mystery to me. DEspite of the freudian influence (that dreams are part of "my" reality), a part of me still believe in dreams as avenue for people (bodied and embodied) to closely connect with eachother.

As I stare at the blank screen of my laptop this morning, I can't help but really think about the meaning of that dream especially the theme of the conversation of Lola Nanay and Mama Cion--were they telling me something? Were they reminding me of family connections? what? The internet gave me clues to those questions. My default internet browser was yahoo but this morning, when I opened my computer, to my surprise, facebook appeared and the photos of my friends displayed on the leftmost section were surprisingly--all family members--all relatives--from both sides, lola paning and mama cion's! At first, it scared the hell out of me! believe me--i was shocked for about 3 minutes as I stared at my screen with flat affect! Now--how can psychology explain that surprising circumstances?!

Anyway, thinking deeply about it--i tried to silently protest--with the widespread success of internet and social networking, people are just simply a mouse-click away. digital photography and email has closely binded families together...but silently my mind started to reflect : IS THIS REALLY ENOUGH? True, technology has brought people closer--but in some ways, is this hampering us also to have a real intimate contact especially with our families?

For the past years, my family (both from mama lyd and papa tony's side) has considerably grown and multiplied. ALong with the growth, we started also to scatter around the world. Because of this, contacts became limited to hi's and hello's--to short messages of "how are you's" or to short and plain responses like "i'm okay". In other words, connections became more colder and emotions became a little distant. With this in mind, I started to ask myself--is it worth it?

I had a flashback to when one of my sisters got so depressed for not getting her long time dream--depressed, depleted and worn-out--I remember what my ate told her---"you have your family....at the end of the day, your world may crumble, your friends may come and go--but the family--it will be one constant element you will have in your life".

Then I remembered the story related to me by a friend--her aunt left her family for America, she suceeded so much there as a medical health practitioner. She happily stayed in america with her children and loving husband---her contact with her family grew fainter and fainter--but when she retired, grew a little bit older, she went back to the basic--she reconnected with her family and made a beautiful wish--to die with her family around....she made contact..she reconnected...

The question on my mind grew--am I going to wait until I am bed-bound to reconnect with family? So the challenge of trying to reconnect with family remains......Now more than ever, I am more drawn to believe that modern technology can never replace a warm hug or a long kwentuhan. When a family is built on love and devotion, we will always find ways to be close...if not in body then at least in spirit! Family is where our roots takes hold and from there we grow.

To my family and relatives--I hope we will not take our family bonds for granted..because with our love and sense of belongingness--we can mold a beautiful creation for today and the generations to come!I hope the attachments that our great grandparents successfully established were enough to carry all of us through life--whereever we may be.

Playing the Jealousy Game

A blog follower of mine texted me last night and asked me to write my thoughts on dealing with jealousy in romantic relationships. Well, I felt flattered but partly too--I felt the pressure--pressure to sit down and think about it and understand the dynamics of this emotion. I handled few relationship problems in my therapy sessions with clients and I would like to really just start from there.

Jealousy as a powerful emotion at times can be normal in relationships. Of course, we all want to be protective and even a little possessive of the people we love and care about. Believe me--some partners like their other half to be a little jealous because one may feel valued and loved when one partner is slightly jealous.

But jealousy can be distrubing and unhealthy too. We all think that jealousy is just one emotion...nah---it's a whole bundle of negative emotions like anger, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, paranoia, sadness, depression and anxiety (whew!:-)!). Toxic jealousy takes possessiveness and protectiveness to the extremes making each situation and reaction inappropriate. If left unchecked and unprocessed, this "green eyed monster" can destroy relationships. It can tear relationships apart. Jealousy can cause insecurity, detachment or even plain immaturity.

Dealing and overcoming jealousy starts of course from AWARENESS. Awareness allows you to see your projected and unknown fears. Awareness of your feelings, emotions and fears will definitely allow you to see the triggers of jealousy. Awareness will be the start of RECOVERING your PERSONAL POWER CONTROL. Instead of exhibiting reactive behaviors, by awareness, you start to control your emotions and its expression.

Good Communication builds bridges. Jealousy will never ruin relationships if there is genuine and good communication. Open communication lines with partners--tell your loveones calmly and gently your fears, insecurities and beliefs (true or untrue). Chances are--your partner will reassure you of his/her love if you open healthy communication lines with him/her. Always choose the "win-win" solution in keeping your relationship.

Cognitive control is also very important--stop wasting your time thinking about your "fear of the unknown"..... instead ---think of ways that will make your relationship stable and satisfying! Remember--if you are confident that you are worth loving---why be afraid?!:-)At times, what you think (negatively about your partner) is not worth the trouble!

There is no definite and easy solution in dealing with jealousy in relationships--it usually requires trial and error and risk-taking to discover what works for you and your partner. So, instead of making a fuss---why dont you enjoy the wonderful relationship you have successfully created.

Happy Loving!

The Gift of Friendship

Life takes people to different directions. Even if you swear that you will stick with eachother for life, reality will always step in the way--you will all have your separate lives. I am not immune to loosing connections with close friends and relatives--I even assured my morbid self that I might meet some of them in heaven (in another life!):-) but fortunately--internet came--so is facebook, friendster, tagged and the other social networking websites! Now im using the tools the internet has to offer to locate, reconnect and re-establish meaningful connections with my long lost friends and loveones! even to relatives i never met, relatives on the other side of the globe and friends I just recently met due to common connection (connect the dots friends!).Now im a becoming a big fan of reunion sites and yahoo groups! The hardest and the scariest part is actually on dialling the number and calling them---because believe me--you will find different reactions--some are too manic and excited to be reconnected with you again--while some appear to be cold and passive and worst---some even forgot you--and you even need to help the person reminisce the good 'ol days just to bring back the memory hidden perhaps on the subconscious level of your friends brain! Now, what im trying to do is to just be a good friend to old friends believing that friendship is even more wonderful the second time around.

Friends are gift from above--their gift of presence is something money cannot buy. Now, more than ever, I am more determined to bring back the connections I lost but now found!

Power of 3!

Yesterday was my 3rd group therapy session with 3 of my teenage clients. Our therapy theme was on finding the inner beauty within. In our meaningful discussion, we focused on defining inner beauty and finding ways to appreciate this beauty that ressonates from within. Life-changing points were raised which were worth reflecting. Allow me to share some of the most beautiful insights that came out from our therapy session which i know cognitively modified the thought patterns of my clients:

• While many people would always equate beauty with outer and physical symmetry, good poisture and amazing body proportions, these shallow definitions makes inner beauty harder to pinpoint or even define.


• So many of us put so much efforts on grooming the outer body (grooming hair, going through invasive procedures just to maintain desired symmetrical body proportions,etc..) but forgetting an important element in the wholistic scope of what makes a person beautiful---our INNER beauty! Inner beauty requires the same cultivation and type of care. Like physical beauty, vow to make your inner being beautiful. Feed your spirit....


• So what is inner beauty? If we invest too much on cosmetics for our outer beauty--inner beauty requires huge investment for COMPASSION, GRACE AND SENSITIVITY.


• Unlike outer beauty, which could mislead people, inner beauty will go beyond what we see. With inner beauty, we can never create our own beauty cliche.


• Inner beauty is less about what you see but more of what you feel for the person. This beauty is certain if you feel connected with a person with a beautiful spirit.


• People who have inner beauty goes beyond shallow apperance obsession...it even goes beyond what eyes can see!

"The best and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen..nor touched..but are felt in the heart"-Helen Keller

THE BEAUTY OF A WOMAN

The beauty of a woman

isn't in the clothes she wears

the figure that she carries

or on the way she combs her hair

The beauty of a woman

must be seen from in her eyes

Because that's the doorway to her heart

the place where love resides

The beauty of a woman

Isn't in a facila mole

but true beauty of a woman,

is reflected by her soul

Its the caring she cares to give

the passion that she shows

And the beauty of a woman

with passing years only grows

On Death and Dying 3

Yesterday, I had a scholastic discussion on death and dying with my psychology students. Like many of us, I received the same reactions from my students--that death should be feared and should not be embraced and celebrated. Truly, man is afraid of death. The issue of death for many people stirs something within to search for immortality. In my discussion, I tried convincing my students that death is a reality that is inevitable to all of us--the rich, the poor, the powerful and even the powerless. This is the greatest equalizer of our existence--WE ALL DIE.

Death is the separation of the body from the soul/spirit, the entrance of the soul/spirit to the body is called birth and the soul'd departure from the body is death. Death is the opening of one new level of life or simply it is the transition from one state of being into another. A change of consciousness to another higher plane. Death is not the end of life--it is simply a part of life expressed through a change in form.

We are fearful of death simply because we don't know what happens when the curtain of life closes. The fear of the unknown is the main reason why people have difficulty accepting the reality of death. By accepting our own mortality--we slowly prepare for it. People who prepare for death becomes free and strong. When an infant is born, we prepare for it--so as preparing for death. Accepting death as inevitable part of life will connect us to our humanity. When asked how we should prepare for death? I have one simple answer--the best preparation for death is a well-lived life. There is life beyond death and we should look forward to it! Let us all be reminded of the famous line in the movie Peter Pan: " Death will be an awfully big adventure!"

Lessons from Avatar

Avatar is a proof that in any movie production--the story and the quality of entertainment are still important elements to win over audiences! I have watched avatar for 4 consecutive times and I can't help but document the life lessons I got from the movie.

1. That its okay to betray your race especially if its is the right thing to do and if it is for common good. TRuth is not relative and we cannot compromise what is right and what is good just because we belong to the same race.

2. Clothes are out, natural colors are in! Neytiri and the other creatures of the avatar world look so good in their body colors! Beyond the sexiness, I think the most important lesson is the fact that what is natural is beautiful. We are beautiful even without the bling blings and the fashion bruhaha!

3. Recycling is not the solution to the gradual destruction of mother earth. Like any illness, prevention is the cure. Respect to other creatures is still the essence of true stewardship.

4. Communing with nature is not about animism--its about co-existing with earth and learning from the world. Linking one's hair to trees or animals tail is a symbol of sacred communion...it basically teaches us not to fight with nature but be one with nature so that we can peacefully and productively co-exist with each other.

5. Girls--don't mate with an alien in an avatar's body! This storyline goes beyond its shallow meaning--it simply tells us that making permanent connection with a person requires trust (as it is earned) and knowledge. KNow the person you want to share your life with--don't give up everything easily!

6. There is still hope for an old mercenary! Yes, we can still teach men of uniform new tactics--i hope its re-educating them of what is good for the country and the race.

Avatar is an impressive film..its a spectacular movie...an ultimate example of substance over style!