The Family that eat together, stays together!

I belong to a big family. That I cannot deny! But don't get me wrong please--I am happy and proud that my parents did not practise birth control! As I was growing up, my parents made sure to always include FOODS in the family tradition. As I grow up, it’s always a perfect reminder to take comfort in the things that have remained constant in our lives from year to year—those eating-together traditions that marked our sense of continuity, belonging, and self. It's nice to always believe that with our regular dinner/lunch or even power breakfasts together--it reminds me of what has been before and what will come next! This tradition is so dominant in my family that when I review pictures (regardless if its digital or printed), you will always see us in restaurants, in the dining table or along hallways--eating, munching and savoring not only the foods but the gentle presence of eachother. For me, getting together for either a simple or extravagant meal grounds and reminds me that "this is my family. This is where I belong."

Our meal time together shifts my consciousness from one state to another, forcing me to stop thinking about the negative things in my life and instead share in the special moments of magnificient life stories of each and every member of my family.

For just few years, my family started expanding--but the tradition of eating together provides a sense of continuity among us--things change around each of us—there is death, migration due to career demands, illness—but the tradition continues. I'm glad my parents started this tradition. I know this tradition will leave on until my hair turns gray and my nephews and neices become parents themselves.

I cannot wait to see my family again for our next meal together!

Lunch With God

There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of root beer, and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry so he offered her a Twinkie. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a root beer. Once again, she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave but before he had gone more than a few steps; he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever. When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." But before her son responded, she added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

Attitude is Everything

Attitude is Everything
By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man. " I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Living Life Fully Even in Turbulent Times

Is it possible to live life fully even in times of difficulty? a question that rocks the human spirit!

Almost everyone is carrying some amount of distress (in varying degrees)--be it in our relationship with people and oneself, in the work or even in simple routinary life events. . Many find it increasingly difficult to simply survive in the world. Truly it's difficult to persevere amidst the complexities of life. Perseverance is the capacity to keep going even long after the passion for our career, work or relationships has dissipated. It is a continuous and conscious choice to not give up, no matter the circumstances.

Because of the difficulties of life, society is now inundated with self-help books, therapists, time-management workshops, massage parlors, and recovery programs (to name just the tip of the iceberg) for immediate relief. Some would even be willing to accept any interventions even if it could only give temporary relief.

In my short reflection, I thought about the theory of "going back to basic". Everyone talks about returning to a "simpler" way of life, but no one seems to even know exactly what that means, or how to attain it.

In my complicated life--i can't help but purposely live a "simplier life". I vow to re-engineer my life and just live life one baby steps at a time. In my facebook shout-out, I mentioned about living my life "now" as it is in the present. Stressing about the unknown and the future could instill fear in my heart. So what is important is the NOW..live myself in the present!

Let me share some of my little reflections on life:

1. I will try not to live in FEAR. Fear is probably the biggest reason many of us do not always live our lives fully. Especially if you are doing something new, it can be intimidating and scary. If you allow the fear to stop you from doing something you know you really want to do, you are allowing that fear to keep you from living your life fully.

2. Clean My Clutter. Getting rid of excess clutter can help free myself and thus enjoy the things that really matter. This one is not limited to the clutter in my physiocal world but even the clutter of people I had and have in my life. I learned that at the end of the day, you cannot please everyone--so might as well--focus my energy on people I care and love (vice versa).

3. Be Careful with too much RESENTMENT. Holding on to feelings of resentment toward people I feel have wronged me can distract me from living life fully. Imay feel and even be totally justified with my feelings for things others have done that hurt me. However, if I hold on to those feelings, I am only harming yourself further.

4. Avoid Being Lethargic. When I feel low in energy and unmotivated, the worst thing I can do is give into it for an extended period of time. the longer I stay inactive, the less motivated I will be. Activity energizes me--so i should invest on quality activities which will not only benefit myself but the great majority as well.

Life is a journey and I repeatedly remind myself to enjoy that journey!

Friendship 101

A blog follower of mine asked me to write about friendship...specifically on the qualities of a true and genuine friendship.It took me 2 long and enduring weeks to gather my thoughts and let my left brain speak for myself.

I started with a very simple yet difficult question: "How can we find true friendship in this often phony, temporary world?"..such a complex point for reflection. But let me try putting my thoughts on this.


I can say that I am blessed to have so many friends and a few really exclusive friends..While some people struggle to find friends, in my case, it was fate who brought me to my trusted friends today. What is really unique in my beautiful close friendships, they are established over time and amazingly--no words were exchanged to signify the connection--it was like a DNA naturally-fixed together--quietly established without announcing to the world--we just felt it quietly among us..:-)

I am blessed to have very few people around me who never uttered words but showed mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that though, my genuine friendship experiences involved a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. One great friendship formula though (from my experiences) is that: friendship takes time: time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth.

True enough I also unluckily met people who once appeared to be potential friends but later on--discovering its not worth the healthy connection. Like the imperfect world, there are people I met who failed to possess faithfullness factor which is a key element in relationships. For me, faithfulness and loyalty are keys to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away.

True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine friendship supports during times of struggle. Friends are dependable. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and we always want the best for our friends. Furthermore, a true friend desires your happiness and joy and does not get upset when good things happen to you, just because good things aren't happening to them.

A true friend is a blessing and hard to come by, most of us only get one or two in a lifetime. Count your blessings today by counting the TRUE FRIENDS in your life!

Happy COunting!

Reflections on Relationships

For the past months, I have been quietly carving my life lessons in my heart..waiting for the right time to finally be able to write my thoughts and reflections. Today, I would like to focus more on relationships. Allow me then to share the little reflections I got from my recent life events:

FIRST: There is no perfect relationship. No perfect people.

Allow me to share with you this story. A man, desperate to find his perfect mate went to a local matchmaking agency. When asked about his purpose for visiting, he said "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The agent said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

This story simply reminds us that in any type of relationships, it is useless to look for perfection. I've been to relationships and one of the greatest lessons i've learned is that the more we demand for a perfect person and the perfect relationship, the more we will not establish one. There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.

SECOND: TRUST is a huge element in keeping and maintaining relationships.

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

THIRD: NEVER-EVER EXCLUDE SOMEONE (especially in friendships)

That is one of the biggest and most unnecessary emotional weights we will carry through our lives. When we make commitments, we at the same time accept people, so better not build a relationship to a person you will just exclude after. The emotional pain of rejection is a thorn in the heart you cannot just heal in a second.

LASTLY: They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Let me end this entry with this funny "multidisciplinary" reflections on keeping and letting go of people you care so much!

--------------
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS.....

Pessimist:
----------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
---------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
-----------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
---------=
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time
forget her.

Patient:
--------
If you love someone,
Set her free .
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back .

Playful:
--------
If you love someone,
Set her free .
* If she comes back, and if you love her
still, set her free again, rep! eat *

C++ Programmer:
---------------
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
-----------------------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to
be free!!

Lawyers:
--------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

Bill Gates :
------------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and but tell her that
she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
-----------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
---------------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was
improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
----------------------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person
----------------------
If you love someone
don't set her free.

HR specialist
-------------
If you love someone
set her free by
Offering her VRS and other benefits
Then outsource her.


MBA
---
If you love someone
set her free
instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist
------------
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnambulist
------------
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

Rhett Butler
------------
If you love someone
set YOURSELF FREE
If she asks you why
say you don't give a damn.

ERP functional expert
---------------------
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she does'nt, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert
--------------
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back its time to look fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Expert
----------------
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

Men are from Pluto and Women are from Saturn (dah!)

After working with couples for the past 6 years (providing marital counseling and trial separation counseling), one realization I got from my practice is: ONE REASON THAT MAKE COUPLES UNHAPPY IS THE REALITY THAT OFTEN ONE OR BOTH OF THEM HAVE STRONG EXPECTATIONS THAT THEIR PARTNERS SHOULD BE JUST LIKE WHO THEY ARE: EXHIBIT THE SAME ATTITUDES, HAVE SAME RESPONSES TO SITUATIONS AND WORST--THINK THE SAME AS THEY DO. Because of unmet expectations, problems set in...THREATENING even the most well-founded relationships. As the goal of equality between men and women now grows closer we are also losing the contact on the reality of the differences of men and women. Thus, we end up advocating for the battle of the sexes--asking "who is more superior?"..."who's opinion should prevail?"....

The differences between women and men are not only well-documented, but frequently at the heart of jokes, anecdotes, and good-natured (and not so good-natured) ribbing..For centuries, the differences between men and women were socially defined and distorted through a lens of sexism in which men assumed superiority over women and maintained it through domination or women feeling superior to men demanding full adjustment and accommodation of their demands and wishes...

It is my position that men and women are equal but different. Equality in this sense directs to each of the sex's right to equal opportunity and protection under the law. Different on the other hand means that men and women are at least as different psychologically as they are physically.

None of us would argue the fact that men and women are physically different. The physical differences are rather obvious and most of these can be seen and easily measured. Most of these physical differences are rather tangible and easily measured. The physical differences between men and women provide functional advantages and have survival value. A man's body is designed for heavy labor and woman's are not..so--its imperative for men to believe that heavy household activities and tasks should be their responsibilities!!! (one woman client of mine fought against his husband's demand for her to do household repairs!you go girl!)...


Along human relationships, women tend to communicate more effectively than men, focusing on how to create a solution that works for the group, talking through issues, and utilizes non-verbal cues such as tone, emotion, and empathy whereas men tend to be more task-oriented, less talkative, and more isolated. Men have a more difficult time understanding emotions that are not explicitly verbalized, while women tend to intuit emotions and emotional cues. These differences explain why men and women sometimes have difficulty communicating and why men-to-men friendships look different from friendships among women. Believe me--this difference should be understood so well by both men and women...many relationship fights and arguments stems from this uniqueness.

Along women's talkativeness and men's reflective persona, women (take note of this!) have four times as many brain cells (neurons) connecting the right and left side of their brain. This latter finding provides physical evidence that supports the observation that men rely easily and more heavily on their left brain to solve one problem one step at a time. Women have more efficient access to both sides of their brain and therefore greater use of their right brain therefore, women can focus on more than one problem at one time and frequently prefer to solve problems through multiple activities at a time.

On problem solving, men and women approach problems with similar goals but with different considerations. For most women, sharing and discussing a problem presents an opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen the relationship with the person they are talking with but most men are less concerned and do not feel the same as women when solving a problem.For men, their brain, when confronted with problem, tends to slow down so that analysis and planning can set in...quietly, when confronted with issue, their brain analyzes each situation quietly--alarming women! Silence for women is deafening.


Women tend to be intuitive global thinkers. They consider multiple sources of information within a process that can be described as simultaneous, global in perspective and will view elements in the task in terms of their interconnectedness. Women come to understand and consider problems all at once. Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems and minimize the complexity that may exist. Men come to understand and consider problems one piece at a time.

On emotional sensitivity, there is evidence to suggest that a great deal of the sensitivity that exists within men and women has a physiological basis. It has been observed that is many cases, women have an enhanced physical alarm response to danger or threat. Their autonomic and sympathetic systems have a lower threshold of arousal and greater reactivity than men. This is why women tend to worry a lot, can be paranoidly anxious and have the tendency to talk a lot when anxious. Increasing or high levels of testosterone on men on the other hand can produce an emotional insensitivity, empathic block and increased indifference to the distress others.

On activities in relationships, men feel closer and validated through shared activities. Such activities include sports, competition, outdoor activities or even sexual activities that are decidedly active and physical. While both men and women can appreciate and engage in these activities they often have preferential differences. Women, on the other hand, feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives. Many men tend to find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, if not, overwhelming.

The challenge therefore is for men and women to learn to accept their differences, avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. Appreciating the other person will be a rewarding avenue in a relationship. Instead of looking at it as distressing and disappointing..look at it positively...enjoy the differences!

Happy Loving!