"How could my mother not look beyond what she can see in me?" That question personally struck me during one of my counseling sessions with Lela (name changed), a 14 year old young lady referred to me by her mother. From the first time I met Lela, I knew a beautiful young soul is there--waiting to break free despite of the resentments and the deep-seated anger. In each session, Lela's need to liberate from her mother's negative view of her became more and more obvious. Her words unconciously wanted to let her parents see beyond her appearance, wanting her to be accepted as a perfect potential who is slowly fulfilling itself perfectly.
In my many therapy and counseling sessions with teens and with parents as well, I personally observed that conflict seem to be a daily parenting challenge in teen-parent relationships. I dont know why many parents and/or treens instead of finding ways to manage their disagreements, they wait until problems become big..too huge that they cannot handle the conflict an
ymore--with one or two of them carrying extreme emotional baggages. Although its pretty inevitable for parents and teens not to have conflicts (developmentally--they are at different places!)--parents and children may find better communication skills and self-monitoring successful strategies to reduce feelings of anger and conflict. It should be noted that anger is like the mercury in a thermometer, when left unchecked the intensity of the emotion increases from frustration to anger and then to other things like rage and bitterness. In Lela's case--the mercury reached its highiest temperature recorded. I just hope that parents will do their best to try breaking barriers-- believing that by being there for their children and listening with empathy and love will help them look beyond their little misunderstandings. By showing interest in their feelings and opinions, even when they disagree, this will later help build trust and mutual respect.
ymore--with one or two of them carrying extreme emotional baggages. Although its pretty inevitable for parents and teens not to have conflicts (developmentally--they are at different places!)--parents and children may find better communication skills and self-monitoring successful strategies to reduce feelings of anger and conflict. It should be noted that anger is like the mercury in a thermometer, when left unchecked the intensity of the emotion increases from frustration to anger and then to other things like rage and bitterness. In Lela's case--the mercury reached its highiest temperature recorded. I just hope that parents will do their best to try breaking barriers-- believing that by being there for their children and listening with empathy and love will help them look beyond their little misunderstandings. By showing interest in their feelings and opinions, even when they disagree, this will later help build trust and mutual respect. Truly, parenting is a difficult ministry.Raising kids is indeed one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which many parents may feel the least prepared...but--with love and genuine care--parents are giving a valuable gift that will last a lifetime in their teen's life. Looking beyond the superficial will be a great leap!
Happy Parenting!
