CoNFeSSiOns Of a sHopaHoLiC

LAst saturday, my sister (ian) and I went to see a movie at greenbelt--i dont know why i had that adrenaline rush to watch the movie--deep inside i know there is something inside of me (maybe subliminal!) asking me to watch this movie and to just learn from whatever I will be getting from what I will see. The movie I mean is nothing but the famous---CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC!

Let me share the synopsis of this "feel-good" movie: In the glamorous world of New York City, Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fischer) is a fun-loving girl who is really good at shopping –- a little too good, perhaps. She dreams of working for her favorite fashion magazine, but can’t quite get her foot in the door –- until ironically, she snags a job as an advice columnist for a financial magazine published by the same company. As her dreams are finally coming true, she goes to ever more hilarious and extreme efforts to keep her past from ruining her future. Her problems with debts and shopping (too much!) made this movie a blast! The movie as a whole is pretty predictable but it was fun!

Okay, let's face it. Shopping can be fun! For me, its a therapy! But of course, when it gets out of hand, it can be too much...The movie clearly showed this sickening ode to consumerist greed comes just in time for the recession! Well, I'm not like the girl in the movie though--i feel that I am not yet (yet?!) in the borderline for this type of addiction (though I feel that I am progressing towards it--HEHEHEHE!). People who "shop 'till they drop" and run their credit cards up to the limit often have a shopping addiction. They believe that if they shop they will feel better. Compulsive shopping and spending generally makes a person feel worse. It is similar to other addictive behaviors and has some of the same characteristics as as problem drinking (alcoholism), gambling and overeating addictions. Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and loneliness. It also can occur when a person feels depressed, lonely and angry. Shopping and spending will not assure more love, bolster self-esteem, or heal the hurts, regrets, stress, and the problems of daily living. It generally makes these feelings worse because of the increased financial debt the person has obtained from compulsive shopping.

So, for the shopaholic addicts like me---what did I learned from this piece of movie? ( a lesson for all of us on materialism in this troubled time!)

• Avoid the stores that you love most unless you truly need something (believe me--ask yourself ten times ("do I need this?")before rushing to the cashier and swipping that mastercard!)


• If you truly do need to shop for new items, take a friend or family member shopping with you, and tell them to keep you in check. (at least someone to balance your decisions and your cravings before IT BECOMES AN ADDICTION!


• Pay for purchases by cash, check, debit card.


• Make a shopping list and only buy what is on the list.


• Avoid discount warehouses. Allocate only a certain amount of cash to be spent if you do visit one.


• "Window shop" only after stores have closed. If you do "look" during the day, leave your wallet at home.


• Avoid phoning in catalog orders and don't watch TV shopping channels.


• Take a walk or exercise when the urge to shop comes on.

Happy Shopping!

FinDinG Mr. RiGhT (& AvOiDing Mr. WRoNg!)

This weekend, I went out with a close friend (just a friend--really!he's an american--thats why he was brutally frank and direct!) and he asked me one very intriguing question---"NET--i want to know why you seem to have no plan to marry. Are you still looking for mR RIGHT? because if you do--I'm telling you now--MR RIGHT will not come--he's a fantasy character you know!". What an honest question and remark! I answered by just smiling--and remembered the same question from friends (believe me--i've been asked that same question for like a hundred times!). When I asked him why he's upset with my being single (still!)--he told me "neth--im upset because people whom i know will do good as parents are not married--and you're one of them!" (ouch!).

After that meeting--i reflected on our conversation and it really made me realize that marriage--just like any commitment should not be rushed (unless you risk yourself 50-50 in becoming an abused wife--or another unhappy wife in the statistics!). I was touched by my friend's concern but i always believe that the right time to marry should not be defined by age. I personally believe that marriage--just like any other commitments--should be studied well (like contracts!), should be prepared well (financially!) and mind and heart should be put into it! Like any corporate projects---partnership should always be looked into (if you give the project to wrong people--like marriage--it will collapse). I know many people can relate to my experiences of societal pressure to marry!Over and above the pressure--the society places the rough challenge on young adults that are expected to raise a family over a career!

• After reflecting on my friend's question--i felt that over and above finding MR right--I should get a life first by being the Ms. Right myself. I often asked myself these questions: are you willing to give up your "busy-as bee hectic" life? your charity work? or your little shopping adventures? for a life of marriage (settling-down thing?).



• Do you actually know what you are looking for in a man? like maybe-- having common values and similar culture, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and confronted without defensiveness, desire to raise children and common goals?! (at least looking at one direction!)



• Or are you willing to rise above your past relationship mistakes. Remembering that you are not doomed to an endless series of losers and that you are half-way to Mr. RIGHT by seeing what you have done wrong in the past? (why my past relationships didnt worked?



• Or if I am open to matchmaking (thats the scary part!)--(i guess i will prefer dating my friends than strangers!)



• Or do i have the specific detail to expect a human being as a partner, not someone perfect?! Believing that no one is going to be everything I have ever dreamed of. Reminding myself that I am not Ms. Perfect as well and allow for human frailty?!

Whew! Reflecting can really suck your energy! But more than the realizations after these reflections--i believe that the most important thing in life--wether you are for marriage or single-blessedness is to LOVE YOURSELF!Decide who you are and love that person first. If you couldn't love yourself, nobody else would love you either. What you feel about yourself will radiate in your actions and this is what your potential mate will see in you--

So for people under so much pressure like me (societal pressure!), lets keep in mind that before finding mr right---let's learn to love ourselve more than anything else (but not in an egotistical way!) and start developing the MS/MR RIGHT in us--and everything will flow naturally.

To sum it all-- be proud of who you are. You are genuine, you are beautiful in your own ways and you should never change any of that for anyone. Always walk tall with your head held high, there is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman with confidence (vice-versa).

You see, everything starts within! Good luck!

Be ThAnKfUl

I reviewed my training materials today and I happen to open this beautiful hand-out (though I can't remember who gave this nice article to me!) about why we should be thank ful. I'd like to share this article with you---to inspire you just like what it did to me today! The world is full of negative woes but there are so many things that we should be thankful---so many things that should make us really appreciate life even more.

BE THANKFUL!

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness…
…you are more blessed than the millions who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 900 million people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.
Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling.
Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.
—Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933)

---WhEn LoVe HuRts---

Everyone have heard songs about how much love can hurts--not only physically but even on the emotional level. Just recently, singers Chris Brown and Rihanna (umbrella--anybody?) have been the talk of the town--according to a report from TMZ.com, Rihanna told investigators that Brown's violence has been ongoing -- and escalating. Well, the latest story sold like pancake in the bizz world when Rihanna revealed that the famous fight took place following a pre-Grammy party in Los Angeles after Brown received a text message from another woman while the couple was driving in a rented Lamborghini around Hancock Park. An argument ensued, and then escalated into a physical fight, which resulted in Rihanna suffering bruises and bite marks. At some point, Brown even shouted out "I'm going to kill you," according to TMZ. Sadly, lots of relationships (even those seem magical and ideal relationships) turn abusive (even those well-celebrated fantasy driven love stories of celebrities) .

This story is not new to many of us--especially those in helping relationships--I just hope Rihanna will decides to be an example of a woman who will stand up for herself in a domestic violence case like this and show to the world that violence ina loving relationship should not be tolerated. I just wonder why relationships fored out of love can become abusive in the future.

What should you do if you are suffering from an abusive relationship then? If you think you love someone but often feel afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship — FAST! You're worth being treated with respect and THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF VIOLENCE COULD JUSTIFY LOVE. Don't rely on yourself to get out of the situation. Friends and family who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself.

Always remember that love shouldnt hurt! In every romantic relationships, I urge all of us to evaluate our situation. Has your bf/gf ever hit you? Taken advantage of you physically or sexually when you did not want it? Verbally or emotionally attacked you, putting you down and belittling you? Threatened you or your loved one with violence? If you answered yes to any of the above...stand up for yourself and...walk away from the situation before it gets worst and you end up down in the dumps. Love Yourself more than anybody else.

Happy Loving!

NoT yOUr TyPiCal PaRtY AnIMaL

Im not a party animal and I dont really love partying (especially those formal events) where you are forced to put on a fake smile, wear a gown/cocktail dress and heels (flanax please!), greet people even if you dont know them really well, say “I’m great!” even if you are critically delirious or shake hands and give compliments like "OMG, you look great!" even if you dont really mean it! To make things worst--in parties--i cant eat according to the standards of my stomach! In other words, I'm not just into formal parties--really! i rarely parties (except when required @ work!), i rarely drink and i rarely go out with my friends and i am perfectly fine with that.

To balance everything though--I must admit that Im not a loner--i love socializing but not in too formal occasions. You may think that my life is boring--im 31 and i dont do what people my age does, i prefer long drives (sightseeing while driving!) and just staying home at night instead of partying / clubbing. I always believe that partying is not a requirement for social relationships. Whats good is that my friends understand me and my personality quirks. It really pays if your friends are real mature people--they will never pressure you to pretend to be someone who is not you. I personally believe that you don't sell myself out for anybody especially through partying! I always had older more mature friends because they respected my decision to be sober.

There is a line in a Garth Brooks song that goes "You can't follow like a bunch of sheep, you gotta listen to your heart"

So--listen to your heart too!

ThE MoNsTeR caLLeD GOSSIP!

"Using the analogy of the human mind as a computer, gossip can be compared to a computer virus. A computer virus is a piece of computer language written in the same language all the other codes are written in, but with a harmful intent." --Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

A dear friend of mine was recently became a victim of a deeply wounding gossip or should i say by an electronic gossip (the story was spread through texting/SMS). The things that were said were neither true nor coming from a place of love or goodwill toward HIM--THE ALLEGATIONS WERE purely baseless. He was hurt--but I know that hearsays should not be entertained. But of course, for the victim of gossip, the pain can be excruciating. We live in a gossip-oriented society so naturally almost everyone loves to gossip (but my friend's pain is a poignant reminder to me of my own commitment not to engage in gossip in any way. I set this standard for myself some time ago. I am re-committing to working harder on this within myself!).

BUt gossip really is not benefiting anyone--believe me--it hurts the source of the gossip (we don't feel good about ourselves when we talk in derogatory ways about others and when we do things that make us not feel good about ourselves, we harm our self-respect, self-love and self-confidence and the victim as well). Any talk about another that is not coming from a place of love, is without the intention of good will, has questionable accuracy and that you would not want the other to hear about--is NOT an ACT OF LOVE! Gossip hurts. Personally, I believe that people who are mature do not gossip.Gossip is hideous. It is imperative to say then that people who loves to gossip are people who needs help in terms of facing problems/issues and in terms of developing positive human skills.

So---have you ever been a victim of nasty untrue gossip? I HAVE and continously being bitten but let me tell you- each gossipping story are quite always a learning experience. Of course, all nasty gossips are hurtful (duh, I’m only human!!), I usually become upset and wanted to lash out, but I dont---really---you see--I deal with the gossip by being the MUCH MUCH bigger person (than the person who victimized me). I pray and ask God to handle it. I, then, would suck up my negative hurt feelings and would go about my business. I stay true to my values and make sure that my actions (continuing to be professional, helping others, and carrying myself with feigned confidence) will present an entirely different picture than what the gossip had described. Incidentally, every time I become a victim of gossiping--the persons who started the gossip would always suffer a bigger failure--(i dont know if i have to owe it to the karmic world!!). I’d be lying too if I said I wasn’t glad about that. Most importantly, I was glad that I handled each situation the way that I did. Now--I'm still standing.

FOR THOSE WHO LOVES TO GOSSIP--REMEMBER...If your mouth sometimes runs away with you and you hurt others (or yourself) by your gossiping, spilling the beans and divulging other people's secrets - then start thinking hard before you can further hurt yourself! (remember the legal implications of this actions!--you can end up in jail!). Asking a professional for help will do good as well--open yourself to this problem so that people around you can help you more. Gossiping is a serious personality problem---believe me---people who likes to gossip needs professional help from a mental health professional! Spread LOVE instead of PAIN!

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

Richard, a friend of mine, sent me this funny email entitled: "Summary of Life" and I'd like to share a funny excerpt from this article which I found interesting and can be really helpful if we all want to have a beautiful life!

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. (funny but true! now i know why there are so many adults who happen to have growth gaps----emotionally!)

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get... ( to die young?!duh!)

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. (and see if ther's "pagkaka-kitaan" somewhere down there!???!)

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. (nausea---nausea---now thats something!)

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. (remember--as we age--the wisdom increases!hahahahaha--duh?!

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. (like I care for the wrinkles!--botox please!)

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. (very true! Tumpak!--I wonder why many are left with only age---sans the wisdom!).

Nurturing one's EI (Emotional Intelligence)

In my eight years of working with people, I have seen people who are superiorly intelligent in terms of cognitive aspects, such as memory and problem-solving--- but have very very low ability to manage their emotions!In a country where IQ have dominated the thinking on who is likely to succeed, the evidence is now clear that people skills are far more important when it comes to over-all success (total personal package!).Social scientists have long been aware that IQ tests are inadequate for predicting success in life. IQ scores account for as little as 25% in predicting future success in college. In the work environment, technical savvy and knowledge may contribute as little as four to ten percent towards performance effectiveness. Over ninety percent of effectiveness at work is attributed to one's emotional intelligence. People who can't identify or understand their own emotions often make bad decisions, no matter how much brain power they have. Even though the term has been misused and abused by many popularizers, I believe it rests on a firm scientific foundation---EQ, a term coined to express the measure of one's emotional intelligence, has been proposed as the answer to why some people with average IQs end up more successful in life than some with brilliant IQ scores. The concept of emotional intelligence became popular after the immense success of Daniel Goleman's book in 1995, Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Ever since the publication of Daniel Goleman’s first book on the topic in 1995, emotional intelligence has become one of the hottest buzzwords in the world.

Most people have trouble managing situations that are emotionally charged, especially when the emotions aroused are anger and anxiety. When this difficulty is accompanied by, or causes, poor communications skills, then people really do get into trouble. The ability to predict and influence other people's emotions has to be one of the most important skills any person can have. Those individuals who are able to handle their emotions, not just the expression or regulation of them, but who are also able to generate the kinds of emotions that are productive and efficient, are indeed emotionally intelligent. The high EI individual, most centrally, can better perceive emotions, use them in thought, understand their meanings, and manage emotions, than others.They're particularly good at establishing positive social relationships with others, and avoiding conflicts, fights, and other social altercations.

It is useful to look at Goleman's five major factors of emotional intelligence. He summarizes emotional intelligence into the following components:

1. Emotional self-awareness
2. Managing one's own emotions
3. Using emotions to maximize intellectual processing and decision-making, including self-motivation
4. Developing empathy
5. The art of social relationships and managing emotions in others

We hope that with this little information--we will all move forward towards nurturing our own emotional intelligence so that as human beings---connected to eachother--we can live together with greater harmony and satisfaction.

ThE FaDeD TraVelIng Pants

I love traveling with my family and friends! Over and above the fun---the special bonding moment it creates is a well-spring of hope for me. Traveling with the special people in your life is a great way to let loose and have a good time away from the everyday routines. Spending special moments and adventure with the special people in my life makes me appreciate life even more. Vacations ( short or long vacations) provides the perfect opportunity in reconnecting with my friends/family, and to enjoy their company without the hassles and complications of the “real” world. Although I love flying, it can be a bit stressful too especially magnified if I am running late. I also love taking the boat--i find it more challenging than flying. BUt what I love most in treavelling is no other than--the FOOD ADVENTURE! Honestly---I appreciate more the place if I am enjoying the FOOD! Food for me is the fun expression of what and how the place looks like and the kind of people that resides there. So when you travel, stay fed and don’t let yourself or your travel companion get hungry. Nothing leads to crankiness as fast as hunger--believe me! After each of my travels with family/friends, I am always hopeful that I will come back with good reminiscences and look forward to the next time I travel with them again! Life truly is beautiful with the gift of mobility, family and friends!