A New Year Reflection

I love New Year Celebrations! That is one life celebrations I look forward every year.The mood is always festive, happy and with intense "celebratory" feeling. One thing I'd like to do during new year is to ask family and friends about their new year resolutions....like anybody else, people will be vowing to lose weight, stop smoking, stick to a budget, save money, find a better job, become more organized, exercise more, be more patient, eat better, and ________ (fill in your own resolution).New Year is that time when we look back in retrospection and evaluation of where we have been and forward in hope and anticipation of where we may be going.

One life coach believes that standing between old and new years, between what has been and what could be, we form our resolutions for the future in a spirit of possibility and potential. Why make New Year's resolutions if there is no hope of change at all? If the past is a momentum that is impervious to transformation, why bother?

Durng this time, we celebrate the sense that we can step outside of the normal flow of time, touch a creative and visionary source within us, and shape the world afresh. New year for me is a new beginning...a new blessed and beautiful life.

New year is when we find that presence of potential and transformation, new birth and new beginnings, available to us each moment. It only takes a shift of perspective to realize that this moment, as the old saying goes, is the beginning of the rest of our lives.

Taking the vacuum effect---let us zap the old energies away and start collecting new beautiful experiences and relationships. For this new year, I can't wait to start anew--with life, with friends, with family, relationships (dah!:-) and my personal advocacy! I know this will be an exciting big adventure!:-)

Happy New Year Everyone!

PS...with grateful heart--I am "super" thankful to the following people for making 2010 a bright (sparkling) and happy year for me:

-Papa Tony and mama Lyd--for their unwavering love and support to me and my siblings--we are forever grateful for your love, affection and support.With you--I always feel so loved!

My "super" brothers: Frs Doy and Ching--for being my 'prayer warriors'...spiritually--you always keep us grounded..thanks for being so caring!

My wonderful "sistahs"--marz, nan and Ian--for the companionship, many girl talks, love, appreciation and affection--can't live with you all really! Ate Marz--for being always the "ate", nan--for being so nurturing and for adopting me "always", Ian--for our shopping and mall adventures (thanks for adopting me always when I am in manila)...

My relatives and loveones---i am truly grateful for the huge support system! thank you for your constant presence in my family's life. We love you all and looking forward to more meet ups, reunions and get togethers!

My long time best buddies--RICH, JULES AND LOREN--No words can explain why I have big rooms in my heart for you guys! I'm terribly looking forward to spending quality time with you and share all heartaches and happy stories with you..
(again!)

My special friends (outside and at work!)--IRIS, CHING, TOM, NOLY, GELAI, SHING SHING AND FR. RIKKI--for being my life companions (and more!), for putting up with my little tantrums and for your unconditional love, acceptance and genuine relationships. you all truly complete me! Looking forward to more night outs, coffee breaks, outings and dinings with you guys!

My"super women" and "super men" at CYWTAC--MITCH, AISA, JO, JOEL--you know i can't live without you guys! cheers for the hard work! Let's prepare ourselves for more exposures!

My psych students--for continously inspiring me to learn more! All of you are lovable and have great capacities to succeed--i'll be with you all the way until you find your place in the sun!

And my countless friends (FB in and FB out!) for your gift of friendship! I am truly grateful for your gentle presence in my life!

Thank you for your gift of presence in my life!

Nurturing Integrity (excerpts from my soon to be released book: UNLEASHING THE BEAUTY WITHIN)

Every day, we are confronted with little tests of integrity—both subtle and obvious. I remember being placed in a very critical situation a year ago. It was an incident that truly placed my integrity under scrutiny check. The situation asked me to choose between friendship and fighting what is right and just. A friend of mine, whom I strongly feel connected, was accused of a heinous crime. The victims came to me personally and after looking into the veracity of the situation—I was made to choose: to report the incident to authorities and suffer the after effect of this act to my friendship with the accused, or remain quiet and defend my friend but feel morally defeated. I chose the hardest one: fight for the victims even if it will shake off my friendship. It was difficult but I always believe that integrity is one of the few things in my life that no one can ever be able to forcefully take away from me. Integrity is self worth. My choices were my own. In the end, it's all a matter of personal accountability.

It isn't always easy to maintain integrity especially if people close to you are involved and connected, but it is gratifying to know that in the end you can be proud of what you do and you don't compromise yourself in a world full of compromises. You don't sell out. You are valuable and worthy and strong in your convictions. What always matter is that we are defined by our actions. If I take something that doesn't belong to me, I am a thief. If I cheat, I am a cheater. If I fight for what is wrong and unjust then I am an accomplice. The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethics over convenience, and truth over popularity.

According to the Josephson Institute of Ethics the word INTEGRITY comes from the same Latin root as 'integer,' or whole number. Like a whole number, a person of integrity is undivided and complete. This means that the ethical person acts according to her beliefs, not according to expediency. She is also consistent. There is no difference in the way she makes decisions from situation to situation; her principles don't vary at work or at home, in public or alone. Because she must know who she is and what she values, the person of integrity takes time for self-reflection, so that the events, crises and seeming necessities of the day do not determine the course of her moral life. She stays in control. She may be courteous, even charming, but she is never duplicitous. She never demeans herself with obsequious behavior toward those she thinks might do her some good. She is trusted because you know who she is: what you see is what you get.

Afraid to Love?!!!!?!!!

One of my closest friend asked me if I am still afraid to love after going through such a traumatic relationship few years ago--honestly, it caught me off guard--but it made me reflect though. Am I afraid to love? That I asked myself. Is it because my sub-conscious is telling me that once you let yourself loved-you are open to huge amounts of pain? Am I scared of rejection and pain especially if it involves a person whom i believe to be the right person? or am i just afraid to loose my independence? all of these hypothesis froze my brain!

Honestly, this incident made me go back to my reflections on the writing of John Powell. He said that pain in itself is not an evil to be avoided at all costs. Pain is rather a teacher from whom we can learn much. Pain is instructing us, telling us to change, to stop doing one thing or to begin doing another, to stop thinking one way and begin thinking differently. When we refuse to listen to pain and its lessons, all we have left is one of the escapist tendencies of the options and addictions.

On personal note, I believe that for the past years, while I am genuinely enjoying all types of "safe" relationships--part of me listened to where should I safely stand (on the status quo), meaning not wanting to take risks and later --ending up with nothing.

As I think about it, I started challenging myself to totally take risks..I know I had been challenging myself in all aspects of my life but not for any genuine romantic relationship. Accepting vulnerability would take a different beat for me but there's nothing wrong with taking chances.Letting go of the past and the pains and sentiments should be the beginning of larger steps.Accepting the reality that relationships are not entirely sunshine and roses would be a good start. It's hard to get past bad feelings and just enjoy a person as they are today.....not tomorrow or yesterday--that I have to remind myself daily. But you see, i realized that nothing is a guarantee. No person comes with a guarantee anyway.

I cant help but remind myself to keep it light, take it easy cause there are no guarantees in life. If the right person comes and he's here now, I will be here now and perhaps take all the joy out of each day and forget about tomorrow, fears and negative thoughts. Going through it was a joyful life reflection and maybe something to hold in my heart from this day forward.

Moving Forward..though in pain!

I guess everyone in the world knew about the breathtaking situation in my country last Aug. 23, 2010. Captain Rolando Mendoza, a highly decorated former Senior Police Officer who was relieved from his post due to an extortion and robbery complaint against him took Hongkong tourists into hostage inside the Hong Thai tourist bus in front of the Quirino Grandstand, Manila. After 10 hours of hostage drama, 7 hostages and the gunman himself were killed and 18 survived, 1 civilian and an officer injured.

After 3 days, the damage has been done--we can never bring back the time.

I know many of our brothers and sisters in China felt bad (and maybe still feeling really bad) about what happened. Some are even cursing my race..I definitely understand their sentiments but in case like this, i think what we should do is to just accept what happened and learn something from it.I do not say that we should not be blaming anyone but at least lets move forward..forward to what is better. Addressing this problem and issue with insults and race war as a whole is irrelevant and out of the question.

I think it's unfair to put the whole country to complete culpability. The government and my people expressed abhorrence over the situation and how it was handled. But we have to understand that it is not every Filipino's desire to cause harm to any foreigner who comes to our country, much less to cause chaos and provoke war with our neighboring countries. But it is not right to blame the irresponsible actions of a few to the whole nation , which pertains to the Filipino people, as it would tantamount to unjust criticism and racism. last monday's incident was an isolated incident and it could have happened anywhere. If it did happened in any country, and a tourist bus containing Filipinos was also hijacked and ended up in a bloodbath, it would have also been unfair for us Filipinos to blame it all on your country, and to every hongkong or Chinese citizen we see along the way.

Filipinos are loving people and we have proven this long long way when we co-existed with Chinese people residing in this country as well as the tsinoys.Please do not hate the Filipinos and the entire country. We are your friends, and you are our friends. Hongkong now is host to several thousands of Filipino migrant workers, but you must never forget how the Philippines played host to so many Chinese immigrants, your ancestors, several years ago. I hope in time, wounds will be healed. We hope we will all move on with so much willingness to accept the fact that we should learn from what happened.

Letters to God

I recently watched a movie--it was so moving and touching that i came home emotionally drained but spiritually nourished. truly, it moved my heart to the deepest extremes!our lives are truly shaped by stories and mine was lately touched by this not-so famous but beautiful film. This one stirred my emotions, provoked my higher faculty and influenced the course of my life.

The title of the film was "letters to god". This film is a tribute to faith, hope and love through the eyes of a child. This film did not only taught me not to fear death but made me look forward to it and even motivated me to invest in relationships. This movie is truly heartwarming and inspiring.

Tyler Doherty is an extraordinary eight-year-old boy. Surrounded by a loving family and community, and armed with the courage of his faith, he faces his daily battle against cancer with bravery and grace. To Tyler, God is a friend, a teacher and the ultimate pen pal - Tyler's prayers take the form of letters, which he composes and mails on a daily basis. The letters find their way into the hands of Brady McDaniels, a beleaguered postman standing at a crossroads in his life. At first, he is confused and conflicted over what to do with the letters. Over time he begins to form a friendship with the Doherty family - getting to know not just Tyler but his tough, tender yet overwhelmed mom, stalwart grandmother and teen brother Ben - who are each trying to stand strong against the doubts that come with the chaotic turn their lives have taken. Moved by Tyler's courage, Brady realizes what he must do with the letters, a surprise decision that will transform his heart and uplift his newfound friends and community - in an exhilarating act of testament to the contagious effect of one boy's unwavering faith against the odds.

Happy watching!

Dying Alone

I know death is one reality we can readily admit to. One thing I learned from life is that we start dying the day we were born. From the time I was born, I saw the different faces of death--I lost friends, a client, a boss, a love one, a family member, a dorm mate,etc.. Death is something I have accepted and processed within but---if somebody will ask me if I am afraid to die alone? Hell yeah!!! Even if my mind tells me that I should prefer to be alone at the moment of my passing cause I know that it should be a private experience or it may sound a little bleak..we don't cross the line with a crowd no matter what the circumstances....still..I dont want to die alone!I would rather have someone around....a family member or a love one--or few friends...call me old school but i believe dying in the comfort of my home and family will be the most beautiful life experience. It will be a gentle reminder that you made connections--you loved and were loved in return.

For 33 years, I'm a survivor and I had to witness too many of my friends and relatives pass on. I was alone before and I probably will be alone again. I don't worry about something that I probably won't have any control over.

But I think the best comfort is the fact that I know that I am never alone, in life or in death, because the moment I die I will meet my saviour. The thing that would scare me is if I never did receive Christ and died without Him in my heart and life, then I would be alone.

Life's Little Lessons for 2010!

Gentle reminders for 2010!

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasmand Empathy.
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past that will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree....

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Divine Check-up for Everyone!

I got this email from Cookie ( a long time friend from Chevron) nd I want to share this to all of you. Truly inspiring. beautiful and a call for life!

The Art of Smiling

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
– Leo F. Buscaglia

Last week I facilitated a training on using psychology as marketing tool to about 80 sales representatives of a company. I know from the onset of the training that they were expecting for the typically serious (and boring!) discussion on marketing theories...so it came as a surprise when I gave them a session on the art of smiling. :-)

I always believe that going back to the basics is the greatest marketing tool. Many marketing experts may not agree with me on this but as a practising psychologist,I am a firm believer that a single smile can make a huge difference in reaching out to people. It's the most inexpensive tool too! You need no money, expensive gifts, words, no extra thoughts and explanations... Just a simple smile:) It says a lot. I emphasized in my session that practising and perfecting the art of smiling (i mean genuine smile) can open doors of diverse relationships. Actually, there isn’t any art behind it. A smile is so simple, yet so powerful. Smile can have ultimate effects which I believe every marketing expert should know and internalize:


1. Of course--smile will bring attraction! I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy with a simple smile. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right? smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly.


2. SMILE will let you feel more positive about yourself and the world. Remember that smile is an expression of happiness and joy. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost happiness and like a virus---happiness will be contagious! Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the side effects.So, why wait? Infect as many people as you can and believe me--in no time---you will make a difference!


3, Physically and Psychologically, SMILE can also affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health. I always tell people that when we smile, our brain produces "feel good hormones" which are at the same time our natural pain relievers!

4. SMILE will definitely open doors of friendship.Smile is strong indicator of a welcoming attitude and sure, this will make people feel more at ease with you.

So, do not be afraid to take the smiling challenge!

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he will see all day.

A Rare Workshop for Bicolano Psychosocial Helping Professionals

Calling All Bicolano Psychosocial Helping Professionals!

The Children and Youth Wellness Technical and Advocacy Center (CYWTAC), Inc organized a one day “Seminar-Workshop on Handling Difficult Clients through Compassionate Therapy” on May 31, 2010 (Monday) at Jardin de Consolacion Hall, Casa de Abuela, 18 Vinzons St., Old Albay, Legazpi City. This seminar will be facilitated by Dr. Benedicta Lascano, Guidance Service Specialist, University of the Philippines, Diliman, Quezon City. This seminar is open to counselors, teachers, social workers and other psychosocial-helping professionals. This seminar will delve on helping clients with emotional difficulties through the application of Compassion Therapy. This therapy operates on the principle that clients are responsible for their own well-being and if assisted properly, they can later develop sensitivity to their own needs and desires and help themselves better.

A minimal registration fee of One Thousand Pesos (P1,000.00) will be collected to cover the meals, kit, certificate and materials for the one day seminar. This seminar is designed for small number of participants, so first reservation, first confirmation will be applied. Priority will be given to those who will pre-register via text or email on or before May 30, 2010 in any of the following contact details:

09215883900 (SMART)
09228670942 (SUN)
09178651901 (Globe)
Email: nethpenetrante@yahoo.com

Endless fear for Election 2010

Like any unprepared company for a major breakthrough--my country is now battling to keep its chaotically and violence-filled election on schedule following a glitch in electronic balloting machines that were being introduced for the first time.Volunteers reported computer problems in other parts of Manila as well as Batangas province. Some machines in four Manila municipalities didn’t report votes as marked on test ballots.

Honestly, now I know obviously why many of my countrymen are against this new scheme---the election haven't started yet but the glitches are so vivid that failure of election is a BIG possibility! I'm just afraid that the billions of pesos placed by the government on this machinery would turn to ashes! I just can't stop my brain in cracking the possibility that the money which had been borrowed from the World Bank appears to have again been used to line the pockets of crooks in government and their cronies without giving the people the service that is due us. I cant wait to see how this election will become...I just hope that the Filipino people will not be robbed of our money and most probably our right to have clean and credible elections. Whatever happens after May 10, i feel strongly that we need to be very vigilant especially against those who have enriched themselves at the expense of the country so that they will be made to pay without FEAR and compromise and made an example for all to see that crime does not pay. May we all have the grace to know what to do in the next months and act on it.

Loving My Yoga Mat!

I admit, I had been a lazy head these past months! Its been a while since I practiced my hatha yoga or even my morning walks! Just last night though, I rediscovered the benefit of yoga and once again, it made me feel really better!When a friend asked me to have an hour of yoga session with her, I started loving this "me" time. Concentrating so intently on what my body is doing has the effect of bringing calmness to my mind. That inicdent also introduced me to meditation (which I practise irregularly) which help me calm my mind. With my daily troubles, both large and small, i learned to appreciate the peace of mind that meditation and yoga can only deliver. Believe me, it provided me the much-needed break from my stressors as well as helped put out things into proper perspectives. Now, Im again loving my yoga mat!

Worst International Convention Ever!%^^$#$@$@%^%^

I am currently attending an international convention for researchers in one of the cities up north. I cannot let this day end without really mentioning that this is so far the most disorganized and worst international or even national convention ever! How awful is this so called international convention? It was the worst-organized, worst-run convention I've ever been to....Let me count the ways:

1. We (me and my co-researchers) arrived the city at 11 PM after a 10 hours bus ride. Believing that we are lined up to stay at the host-school's dormitory, we traveled relaxed and stress-free (i actually enjoyed the de-lux trip of the bus). Not until few minutes before we arrived--we got a text message from the conference chair informing us of the changes in our accomodation arrangements--in other words, we were asked to proceed to this class A hotel. I got my first stressor--i inquired a lot previously about the hotel and i definitely knew of its "first-class" rate. Trusting the advise of the chair, we went there and checked ourselves in. The hotel gave us our second mega-stress when we were informed that in order to avail of the negotiated daily rate of the organizer, they have to have at least 100 particpants to check in (at the hotel) or they will charge all of us the regular rate they give to clients. Knowing their high-rocketed rate, i started conditioning my mind in using my "mega-swipe" technique (magic of the credit card). We were only assured of finally giving us the negotiated rate after two days. Can you just imagine the psychological turmoil we have to endure?!!!*&&%$^#^$

2. The second challenge came--we paid our registration fee through bank account a month before the convention and mind you---the registration process was even traumatic. We were asked to register the day before the convention believing that everything will be easier for us because we paid in advance--but we were wrong. The kits were not ready until the first day, many of those who pre-registered ahead of time were not given the kits and book of abstract until the second day.

3. The schedule of presentation of researches were chaotic too. The convention showcased several best-practise researches but until the end of the 2nd day--no concrete schedule and venue were assigned. It was definitely chaotic! I pity the researchers who came to share their work--but in the end they got the worst stress in their professional life. Instead of showcasing the best-practise researches--it was scrape off from the program! *&&*^&%&$&$ (it was like ordering a complete meal without the main course!).

4. This might be a little harsh--but i feel that the organizers should know about this---the 1st day venue was a comic con!Yes, it was comic you know why? because the participants came to learn not to die of DEHYDRATION and HEAT STROKE!. The venue for the lecture was truly a nightmare--it was super HOT, DELAPIDATED and truly scary (imagine a restroom with a door without a doorknob! People can just peep-in the perfectly made hole for the knob!).The second day venue improved a little (because it was in a hotel) but again, it was below standard. Can you imagine the participants eating their lunches in a very hot hallway? just imagine a suppossed international convention with participants eating in the hallway of the hotel--with no chairs--no tables!

5. The plenary speakers were extreme--with few excellent ones and many "boring" ones (not because they were senseless but their topics were so limited that the issues catered only to small number of paxs). Can you imagine a psychology researcher trying to digest the theories related to fisheries?*&&^^&$^#^$

6. The working committe for this convention was a sole-one-man show. I understood why there were so many lapses because there was limited manpower!

Well, i shouldnt be surprised,really. What’s surprising is that I found joy despite of the hitches of the convention primarily because I enjoyed my time with my co-researchers (especially the bonding time with them, the adventures and the shopping moments!)--these are irreplaceable!

By the way, my co-researchers are my SISTERS!

PINOY POLITIKO IN HEAVEN!

While walking down the street one day, a powerful Senator of the
Philippines is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in
heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher-up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the
senator to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that,
before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and
waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door
reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So 24 hours pass
with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to
cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before he
realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then,
you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your
eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the answers: "Well, would never
have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be
better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a
barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,
dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The
Devil comes over to the Senator and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had
a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends
look miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says,


"Yesterday we were Campaigning.

Today you voted for us!"

Vote Wisely!!!!

10 Steps to Prevent Election Fraud

10 steps to prevent election fraud
By Leila B. Salaverria
Philippine Daily Inquirer
April 22, 2010

MANILA, Philippines—The poll watchdog Kontra Daya has laid out 10 steps, which voters can take to ensure clean, honest and orderly voting on May 10.

"The most effective safeguard against fraud and failure of elections is an enlightened, prepared and observant people. On election day, we are calling on you to be part of the watch against cheating and failure of elections," the group said in a statement.

The 10 things that voters should do or keep in mind are:

1. Look for their assigned precincts and names on the voters' list early;

2. Check if their ballots are clear and free of marks before accepting them from the Board of Election Inspectors. They should reject ballots with marks or dirt because the counting machines may be unable to read them. Also, spoiled ballots cannot be replaced.

3. Voters should make sure that the BEI scans their ballots to show the ultraviolet mark, as these marks would prove the ballots' authenticity.

4. When the counting machine rejects the ballot, the voter has four tries to insert it again. Voters can also fix ambiguous marks or the improper shading of ovals. The BEI should also explain why the ballot has been rejected. If a machine has rejected several ballots, it has to be replaced.

5. Voters should not over-vote, or choose more candidates than necessary for a position, lest their votes be nullified. They should also make sure that they have shaded the ovals next to the names of the chosen bets fully.

6. If a precinct runs out of ballots, a voter can still cast his vote in the next nearest precinct. The BEI should accompany the voter after giving the latter a certification.

7. Make sure that the BEI is the only one that should be handing out the ballots. Local officials, Comelec personnel or Smartmatic technicians should not interfere in the process. Nobody else could also tinker with the counting machines.

8. Voters should see to it that they sign the voters list at the start, and should be marked with indelible ink at the end.

9. Make sure that voting starts at 7 a.m. Voters who are already in line or are within 30 meters of the polling place at 6 p.m., the standard deadline for voting, would still be allowed to vote.

10. Make sure that the police, the military, para-military forces, security guards, barangay officials, armed men and supporters of politicians who are campaigning are barred from the polling precincts. The BEI should send them out.

THE GREATEST ADVICE

THE GREATEST ADVICE
-Rick Warren, the Purpose Driven
Life

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some
of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you
can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your
life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to
someone is your time.

Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is
T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or
provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
God is good all the time!


Best Wishes n God Bless,
Perry

Quieting the Heart

(This article is an excerpt in the book I am currently writing entitled: "Unleashing the Beauty Within". This will be released by mid of june 2010)

I love having morning walks because I get to appreciate the houses, people and scenes that I pass by. Despite of this enjoyment, there are times when I would barely pay attention to where I am going. From my reflections and observations, these moments happens when I am over-stimulated with work, concerns and lovelife(!) to the point of distraction. I remember though this incident when I walked up the hill with nothing in mind but the feeling of peacefulness. I closed my eyes and began to slowly breathe. As I drew my breath up my nose and felt my chest rise and my lungs filled with air, I immediately felt calmer and I started asking myself when was the last time I paid attention to my breath? To my lungs? To my fingers, toes, arms and legs? While my mind still had remnants of chatter running through it, I began channeling my breath and focusing on how each part of my body reacted to it. It felt good, really good. My work requires lots of silence and I am easily distracted by almost anything. Sometimes there is too much info coming from all directions keeping me destructed to form even a proper thought. As a teacher and mental health service provider, I always feel that I am always busy taking care of others that I forget that I have an inner self not as demanding of my attention but requiring it as much as outer demands do. Sights and sounds from technologies and media permeate both public and private spaces, making it difficult to find quiet places for reflection and thought. Very often, we are surrounded with noise all day long and we keep moving from one task to the other without taking a break to think, to reflect, to introspect.

In this busy phased life, most people forget one aspect of humanity that needs nurturance: the ability to quiet the heart or the ability to be silent from time to time and just reconnect with our inner self.

I met Janine* a year ago when her mother referred this young lass for counseling. Janine’s problem surfaced after she run-away from home and settled in Manila for almost 6 months. Her parents were puzzled why their only daughter had to abscond and leave her comfort zone and work in a bakery with meager salary knowing that her family can provide her needs and even more. During our counseling session Janine revealed to me a very important issue which I believe was never taught of by her parents. Janine felt suffocated with her mother’s constant and regular blubbering. Janine told me how bad she feels every time her mother would start nagging all of them in the family, would complain about almost everything and would chatter her frustrations endlessly. Janine felt throttled, choked and smothered. Thinking that only by going away that she could breathe…she could live.

One cannot underestimate the importance of silence in daily life. Silence can have a profound impact in the way we think, our daily actions and our relationships. In Janine’s case, she felt she needed a breather after the constant battering of her mother. Although I am against her act of running away, I felt that Janine needed the space for her own sanity. Her time off became an avenue to clear the clutter from her mind and to feed her heart and soul.

I am a believer that in order to unleash the beauty within, we should have the heart for silence and stillness. Quieting the heart opens the mind to creativity and better problem solving, builds emotional intelligence and competency and nurtures the inner world and the human spirit. Silence can likewise build resilience skills for life by improving the ability and capacity to think and lessen the numerous human fears all of us share whether it is imagined or real.


“God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.......... We need silence to be able to touch souls”

-Mother Teresa

Who will I Vote?

All is set for the national and local elections this May 2010. Candidates kicked off their colorful but dramatic campaign trail not only in major cities of this country but even in far-flung provinces. Like the country itself, the election season in the philippines remains to be vibrant, colorful yet chaotic. Honestly, for the past months, I am strongly tempted to write about what I see, hear and experience but I remained quiet because I want to primarily give every candidate the benefit of the doubt. The campaign period is now full-blast and the country's fate is once again in the hands of the Filipino people. Each vote will dictate the future of this small and fragile country. I pray that whatever the result of this election ----it will tide us over!

Sharing with every Filipino people's genuine hope for change, as much as possible I do not want to underestimate who the people will choose--reluctantly, frustratingly, desperately or whole-heartedly. I am keeping my faith for the people to be able to choose the best person who will once again revive the glory the Philippines and bring what it truly deserves. I know for many of the voters, choosing will be a rough and difficult task--just imagine the diversity and the dramatic subliminally emotional campaign shoutout of the different candidates for this election?

-One claimed to have experienced sleeping on a short bench in the market and the death of a brother because the family didn't have money for medicine and proper health care. The message is truely powerful: that he is dirt-poor! But Solita Monsod of Phil. Daily Inquirer wrote in her coloumn entitled: "Awesome Claims" that the brother of this senator actually died at FEU Hospital (with a reputation back then as Makati Med or St. Lukes would have now) on Oct. 13, 1962 after 13 days of hospitalization (didn't have money for medical care?!). Not to mention that this senator actually made a 560 sqm lot a home in Tondo. Too big for a boy to sleep in a short bench!

-Or how about this one candidate who claimed to restore a clean gorvernment for this country when in fact his family is still in conflict with the tenants of their hacienda? How about his support to the infamous Reproductive Health Bill?

-Or this handsome presidentiable who seem to have multiple intelligences. He can fly an airplane, a bemedalled military man, brilliant lawyer and who runs under the flagship of a woman president whose controversies are enormously dirt-big!

Now more than ever the Filipino people should thibnk before casting their votes. With a ready heart, think about each candidate. Who among the many can make a difference? Are we going to give chance to new faces with genuine clear platforms or shall we stick to the old people who disappointed us year after year?

So, who shall I vote?

Home is Where the Heart Is

Last night I had a very unforgettable dream--it was so vivid and clear that until mid-morning today--the scenes kept playing over and over in my mind. The image of Lola Nanay (Nanay Paning) and Mama Cion talking to eachother was amazingly recreated with the backdrop of our old house in Nabua and the topic of their conversation was about the family...The two of them looked so alive in that dream--I heared them talk about keeping the family close and connected. It was a very short but very meaningful dream. Even though I have come a long long way in the study of scientific psychology, the meaning of dreams is still a bit of a mystery to me. DEspite of the freudian influence (that dreams are part of "my" reality), a part of me still believe in dreams as avenue for people (bodied and embodied) to closely connect with eachother.

As I stare at the blank screen of my laptop this morning, I can't help but really think about the meaning of that dream especially the theme of the conversation of Lola Nanay and Mama Cion--were they telling me something? Were they reminding me of family connections? what? The internet gave me clues to those questions. My default internet browser was yahoo but this morning, when I opened my computer, to my surprise, facebook appeared and the photos of my friends displayed on the leftmost section were surprisingly--all family members--all relatives--from both sides, lola paning and mama cion's! At first, it scared the hell out of me! believe me--i was shocked for about 3 minutes as I stared at my screen with flat affect! Now--how can psychology explain that surprising circumstances?!

Anyway, thinking deeply about it--i tried to silently protest--with the widespread success of internet and social networking, people are just simply a mouse-click away. digital photography and email has closely binded families together...but silently my mind started to reflect : IS THIS REALLY ENOUGH? True, technology has brought people closer--but in some ways, is this hampering us also to have a real intimate contact especially with our families?

For the past years, my family (both from mama lyd and papa tony's side) has considerably grown and multiplied. ALong with the growth, we started also to scatter around the world. Because of this, contacts became limited to hi's and hello's--to short messages of "how are you's" or to short and plain responses like "i'm okay". In other words, connections became more colder and emotions became a little distant. With this in mind, I started to ask myself--is it worth it?

I had a flashback to when one of my sisters got so depressed for not getting her long time dream--depressed, depleted and worn-out--I remember what my ate told her---"you have your family....at the end of the day, your world may crumble, your friends may come and go--but the family--it will be one constant element you will have in your life".

Then I remembered the story related to me by a friend--her aunt left her family for America, she suceeded so much there as a medical health practitioner. She happily stayed in america with her children and loving husband---her contact with her family grew fainter and fainter--but when she retired, grew a little bit older, she went back to the basic--she reconnected with her family and made a beautiful wish--to die with her family around....she made contact..she reconnected...

The question on my mind grew--am I going to wait until I am bed-bound to reconnect with family? So the challenge of trying to reconnect with family remains......Now more than ever, I am more drawn to believe that modern technology can never replace a warm hug or a long kwentuhan. When a family is built on love and devotion, we will always find ways to be close...if not in body then at least in spirit! Family is where our roots takes hold and from there we grow.

To my family and relatives--I hope we will not take our family bonds for granted..because with our love and sense of belongingness--we can mold a beautiful creation for today and the generations to come!I hope the attachments that our great grandparents successfully established were enough to carry all of us through life--whereever we may be.

Playing the Jealousy Game

A blog follower of mine texted me last night and asked me to write my thoughts on dealing with jealousy in romantic relationships. Well, I felt flattered but partly too--I felt the pressure--pressure to sit down and think about it and understand the dynamics of this emotion. I handled few relationship problems in my therapy sessions with clients and I would like to really just start from there.

Jealousy as a powerful emotion at times can be normal in relationships. Of course, we all want to be protective and even a little possessive of the people we love and care about. Believe me--some partners like their other half to be a little jealous because one may feel valued and loved when one partner is slightly jealous.

But jealousy can be distrubing and unhealthy too. We all think that jealousy is just one emotion...nah---it's a whole bundle of negative emotions like anger, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, paranoia, sadness, depression and anxiety (whew!:-)!). Toxic jealousy takes possessiveness and protectiveness to the extremes making each situation and reaction inappropriate. If left unchecked and unprocessed, this "green eyed monster" can destroy relationships. It can tear relationships apart. Jealousy can cause insecurity, detachment or even plain immaturity.

Dealing and overcoming jealousy starts of course from AWARENESS. Awareness allows you to see your projected and unknown fears. Awareness of your feelings, emotions and fears will definitely allow you to see the triggers of jealousy. Awareness will be the start of RECOVERING your PERSONAL POWER CONTROL. Instead of exhibiting reactive behaviors, by awareness, you start to control your emotions and its expression.

Good Communication builds bridges. Jealousy will never ruin relationships if there is genuine and good communication. Open communication lines with partners--tell your loveones calmly and gently your fears, insecurities and beliefs (true or untrue). Chances are--your partner will reassure you of his/her love if you open healthy communication lines with him/her. Always choose the "win-win" solution in keeping your relationship.

Cognitive control is also very important--stop wasting your time thinking about your "fear of the unknown"..... instead ---think of ways that will make your relationship stable and satisfying! Remember--if you are confident that you are worth loving---why be afraid?!:-)At times, what you think (negatively about your partner) is not worth the trouble!

There is no definite and easy solution in dealing with jealousy in relationships--it usually requires trial and error and risk-taking to discover what works for you and your partner. So, instead of making a fuss---why dont you enjoy the wonderful relationship you have successfully created.

Happy Loving!

The Gift of Friendship

Life takes people to different directions. Even if you swear that you will stick with eachother for life, reality will always step in the way--you will all have your separate lives. I am not immune to loosing connections with close friends and relatives--I even assured my morbid self that I might meet some of them in heaven (in another life!):-) but fortunately--internet came--so is facebook, friendster, tagged and the other social networking websites! Now im using the tools the internet has to offer to locate, reconnect and re-establish meaningful connections with my long lost friends and loveones! even to relatives i never met, relatives on the other side of the globe and friends I just recently met due to common connection (connect the dots friends!).Now im a becoming a big fan of reunion sites and yahoo groups! The hardest and the scariest part is actually on dialling the number and calling them---because believe me--you will find different reactions--some are too manic and excited to be reconnected with you again--while some appear to be cold and passive and worst---some even forgot you--and you even need to help the person reminisce the good 'ol days just to bring back the memory hidden perhaps on the subconscious level of your friends brain! Now, what im trying to do is to just be a good friend to old friends believing that friendship is even more wonderful the second time around.

Friends are gift from above--their gift of presence is something money cannot buy. Now, more than ever, I am more determined to bring back the connections I lost but now found!

Power of 3!

Yesterday was my 3rd group therapy session with 3 of my teenage clients. Our therapy theme was on finding the inner beauty within. In our meaningful discussion, we focused on defining inner beauty and finding ways to appreciate this beauty that ressonates from within. Life-changing points were raised which were worth reflecting. Allow me to share some of the most beautiful insights that came out from our therapy session which i know cognitively modified the thought patterns of my clients:

• While many people would always equate beauty with outer and physical symmetry, good poisture and amazing body proportions, these shallow definitions makes inner beauty harder to pinpoint or even define.


• So many of us put so much efforts on grooming the outer body (grooming hair, going through invasive procedures just to maintain desired symmetrical body proportions,etc..) but forgetting an important element in the wholistic scope of what makes a person beautiful---our INNER beauty! Inner beauty requires the same cultivation and type of care. Like physical beauty, vow to make your inner being beautiful. Feed your spirit....


• So what is inner beauty? If we invest too much on cosmetics for our outer beauty--inner beauty requires huge investment for COMPASSION, GRACE AND SENSITIVITY.


• Unlike outer beauty, which could mislead people, inner beauty will go beyond what we see. With inner beauty, we can never create our own beauty cliche.


• Inner beauty is less about what you see but more of what you feel for the person. This beauty is certain if you feel connected with a person with a beautiful spirit.


• People who have inner beauty goes beyond shallow apperance obsession...it even goes beyond what eyes can see!

"The best and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen..nor touched..but are felt in the heart"-Helen Keller

THE BEAUTY OF A WOMAN

The beauty of a woman

isn't in the clothes she wears

the figure that she carries

or on the way she combs her hair

The beauty of a woman

must be seen from in her eyes

Because that's the doorway to her heart

the place where love resides

The beauty of a woman

Isn't in a facila mole

but true beauty of a woman,

is reflected by her soul

Its the caring she cares to give

the passion that she shows

And the beauty of a woman

with passing years only grows

On Death and Dying 3

Yesterday, I had a scholastic discussion on death and dying with my psychology students. Like many of us, I received the same reactions from my students--that death should be feared and should not be embraced and celebrated. Truly, man is afraid of death. The issue of death for many people stirs something within to search for immortality. In my discussion, I tried convincing my students that death is a reality that is inevitable to all of us--the rich, the poor, the powerful and even the powerless. This is the greatest equalizer of our existence--WE ALL DIE.

Death is the separation of the body from the soul/spirit, the entrance of the soul/spirit to the body is called birth and the soul'd departure from the body is death. Death is the opening of one new level of life or simply it is the transition from one state of being into another. A change of consciousness to another higher plane. Death is not the end of life--it is simply a part of life expressed through a change in form.

We are fearful of death simply because we don't know what happens when the curtain of life closes. The fear of the unknown is the main reason why people have difficulty accepting the reality of death. By accepting our own mortality--we slowly prepare for it. People who prepare for death becomes free and strong. When an infant is born, we prepare for it--so as preparing for death. Accepting death as inevitable part of life will connect us to our humanity. When asked how we should prepare for death? I have one simple answer--the best preparation for death is a well-lived life. There is life beyond death and we should look forward to it! Let us all be reminded of the famous line in the movie Peter Pan: " Death will be an awfully big adventure!"

Lessons from Avatar

Avatar is a proof that in any movie production--the story and the quality of entertainment are still important elements to win over audiences! I have watched avatar for 4 consecutive times and I can't help but document the life lessons I got from the movie.

1. That its okay to betray your race especially if its is the right thing to do and if it is for common good. TRuth is not relative and we cannot compromise what is right and what is good just because we belong to the same race.

2. Clothes are out, natural colors are in! Neytiri and the other creatures of the avatar world look so good in their body colors! Beyond the sexiness, I think the most important lesson is the fact that what is natural is beautiful. We are beautiful even without the bling blings and the fashion bruhaha!

3. Recycling is not the solution to the gradual destruction of mother earth. Like any illness, prevention is the cure. Respect to other creatures is still the essence of true stewardship.

4. Communing with nature is not about animism--its about co-existing with earth and learning from the world. Linking one's hair to trees or animals tail is a symbol of sacred communion...it basically teaches us not to fight with nature but be one with nature so that we can peacefully and productively co-exist with each other.

5. Girls--don't mate with an alien in an avatar's body! This storyline goes beyond its shallow meaning--it simply tells us that making permanent connection with a person requires trust (as it is earned) and knowledge. KNow the person you want to share your life with--don't give up everything easily!

6. There is still hope for an old mercenary! Yes, we can still teach men of uniform new tactics--i hope its re-educating them of what is good for the country and the race.

Avatar is an impressive film..its a spectacular movie...an ultimate example of substance over style!

Attacked by an Emotional Vampire

Last month I was attacked by a vampire! Believe me--it was a traumatic experience!

The vampire I was referring to was not the dark and seductively creature from a coffin but a vampire of different figure! She was charming, pulse pounding being who drained me not of my own blood but of every last drop of my emotional energy. She was a perfect example of an emotional vampire!

If I were to diagnose this lady--I could very well name her condition--a narcissistic vampire. Main symptom: huge ego and little conscience! Its downright crazy to mingle with her---a true drama queen, demanding boss (who tortures her staff tremendously!) and a manipulative vampire who gets under the skin of everyone and drain the people around her dry! really dry!

A self-proclaimed genius, she will do everything to climb the ladder of success even if it would mean torturing her people and taking advantage of others. My experience with her made me see a true blooded emotional vampire in its perfect form. She is a hard driving competitor who throws tantrum when she lose. After talking to her, I ca'nt help but think how she regards anything short of recognition as rejection. I pity my friends (who works with her) because they are helpless. She has power and she is using this power to emorionally drain people. I was there when she lambasted a staff (who happens to be a friend) and I cannot help but think how this person could find fault in others despite of the fact that she carries the over-all responsibility for their failure! Maybe it was her overly high opinion of herself that she can no longer congenitally recognize her own mistakes and shortcomings. She finds fault in everything and everyone but never to herself--a picture example of emotional vampirism!

I am happy that I am not in her world now, but I am concerned with the friends I left behind. I hope they will find courage to really deal with her at some point of their lives. I personally advise that they make every possible effort to cut ties with that person if they cannot help her change. I hope they will not be sucked up with her endless emotional dramas! Emotional distancing I think is the key. I hope they will find courage to stop her bloodletting because she is real---she dont just come out during halloweens! She is a reality everyday! My short encounter with this emotional leeche left me depleted, much more the people who interacts with her every day! You see, she is a true emotional thirsty folk! She may not have the "fang" to attack but believe me--you will feel her bite! I was bitten so I knew how it felt.

I hope my friends will realize that its time to hold the wooden sticks and the silver bullets before she can zap other people's energy!

The Power of Affirmation

Tonight I am most inspired to write about the power of affirmation when I met Andrew and Joseph at a carwash station for my weekly car cleaning. This afternoon was a typical saturday fo me but these two young gentlemen (who became my regular car wash boys!) made my weekend memorable. While I was sipping my cold mango juice and waiting for my car to be washed up, I had my usual chit-chat with these two young men. As usual, Andrew was the complainer and Joseph was the booster! While working, Andrew as usual, complained about almost every dimension of his life--his work (too difficult!), his family (too dependent), his health (too sensitive) and his friends (bad influence). Every after his complaints, Joseph, on the other hand, would reverse the aura of Andrew. For every negative things Andrew mentions, Joseph would give affirmation statements. After an hour of washing and waxing, the cleaning was over but what was apparent was the fact that--andrew became so tired (physically and psychologically) for complaining and joseph--finished his work with a smile. What a difference! Truly--there is great power in affirmation!

Affirmation refers to positive statements about self that one makes to replace negative ones. That experience made me realize that developing a powerful mind-set is one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Using positive thinking, affirmation and visualizations can truly transform life at a personal level. It will transfrm your view of the world and renew the passion and joy for life. It was evident that Andrew ended up very unhappy and tired because there was so much negativity he unconsciously placed on himself and the world.

This afternoon--I learned a very important lesson---that positivity can help develop a powerful and positive attitude to life. I hope all of us will not forget to make positive affirmations a hard habit to break!

Riding the Waves of Grief...Beautifully!

I can't help but be amazed at how Joannie Rochette ( the skater ) poured every bit of her heavy heart at the Pacific Coliseum and in the end made the performance of a lifetime!

Joannie's mother died of heart attack 48 hours before her daughter's performance. Yes, people here and then experiences losses in their lives, but losing a love one 48 hours before performing at the olympics is a different story. Despite of the grief and the loneliness of losing a great mother, Joannie did not just performed, she delivered...she did'nt just attempted--she soared!

Joannie is a perfect picture of the resilience of the heart! She showed to the world that despite of the pain---we can do more! we can still deliver perfection in totally painful situations.

Joannie's story reminded me not to lose hope--that if we are hurting right now--a new beginning is coming all at the same time. We may never understand the mysteries of life--but trusting God and yourself--we can still live life to the fullest!

I salute Joannie!