I remember the question asked to me by a depressed client: "Neth why do you think breaking up sucks?! (romantic break-ups!)...I was struck not only because it led me to memory lanes (of my personal break-up experience) but the question appeared to be so simple yet so deep. My brain spinned so fast and I remember telling that client of mine these exact words: "We are hurting simply because we loved--we invested on love! That pain is not just from the reality of losing the relationship but even of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear all together at the same time! So break up sucks!"Losing a beautiful and promising relationship can be increadibly hard--for any human being for that matter. Admitting and coping is the hardest part--having to totally readjust your views and your dreams unfolding to you in the future and suddenly you dont see that anymore--that's not only painful but totally scary as well. A very genuine human experience.
Break-ups can hurt immensely and can shake us to our very core. When relationships ends--both partners are victims. Most of the time--both partners share issues of feeling
like they are starting over again with life (imagining your life without your partner), both may be confronted by the difficulty to trust others again (you may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner) and for some, identity crisis may resurface (difficulty defining who you are without your partner). These are personal struggles each of us experiences when significant relationships ends.
like they are starting over again with life (imagining your life without your partner), both may be confronted by the difficulty to trust others again (you may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner) and for some, identity crisis may resurface (difficulty defining who you are without your partner). These are personal struggles each of us experiences when significant relationships ends. 
But life does not end in endings or break-ups! Allow me to share the three important suggestions I usually give to my clients. Many therapists have different views on coping but I am an advocate of this 3 very simple steps (these 3 simple tips were close to my heart--they are anchored on my personal experiences of losing special people in my life!):1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
2. MOURN..GIve yourself time to grieve but not permanently!
3. MOVE FORWARD!
- Take Care of Yourself: Dont think of anything that will harm you..physically and psychologically. Do not consider drugs, alcohol or other addictive substances that might burry your feelings even more. Talking out your feelings with a trusted adult will help a lot! Remember that talking about it is the start of healing! Think of healthy activities that will make you even more healthy and beautiful (I remember jogging regularly when I am depressed or sad) or going to spa for a total body massage/makeover!) If you make yourself look good--you will certainly feel good!
- Mourn: give yourself time to to cry your eyes out! But please dont sdont let your eyeball pop out for crying so long! If you want to mourn alone--be your guest but if you want to have friends with you--with all means--invite your closest friends. But please--DONT CALL YOUR EX! I'm not telling you not to reconnect with your ex--but atleast for some time--allow yourself to build your ego again!
- MOVE FORWARD: If you want a ceremonial snapshot torching of your ex's photo--by all means do it! but if you want to keep them with you as souvenir--then do it as well! But after that--condition yourself to move forward...and return your life to normal! Make plans with friends for the weekends, spend quality time with your family, get out and try something new (dance, snorkle, try water sports, etc..).Find a fabulous release! Believe me--the activities, music and physical activities will make you feel better!
I'm sure you'll hit some emotional bumps from time to time but believe me--before you know it--you are on your road to recovery! If you allow yourself to undergo the 3 steps above--im sure you'll end up more stronger and wiser person. Soon--you will realize that this break-up experience will just be another U-turn in your life!
Happy Coping!
