Losing a family member, a friend and love ones to death is never easy and at times beyond bearable. Recently--I've been a witness to many losses. Writing about death is hard but it is only by understanding the purpose of death that I also understand the purpose of life. As if God was reminding me of my own mortality, their death came into my life like a thief in the night. It is heartbreaking to imagine that people you once shared your life with --- previously so active and full of life--can just one day disappear. Truly, losing someone special to you can bring incomprehensible grief and sadness.
A year ago, my family lost our grandmother whom we fondly call Lola Nanay. Losing Lola Nanay is like losing the strongest force in the family. She was our family’s chieftain, adviser and nurturer rolled into one. Lola Nanay was not only a grandmother to us and a mother to my mother but she was the respectable head of the clan. Her passing made everything in our lives different.
A little over Lola Nanay’s death, a friend of mine died of an accident overseas. Ap
ril’s death was over long distance, but it did not make the pain any less real. April's death caught me off-guard. So young and so fresh for death! For 4 years, April became a little sister to me. We shared not only the magnificent experiences of friendship but also the extraordinary affections of real and genuine friendship (Ape was my housemate for 4 years in Manila!). Few weeks before she died, we were planning then to have a reunion in Hong Kong and really have the time of our lives! these plans were now on air...Few months after the crossing over of April, our family lost Lola A.
ril’s death was over long distance, but it did not make the pain any less real. April's death caught me off-guard. So young and so fresh for death! For 4 years, April became a little sister to me. We shared not only the magnificent experiences of friendship but also the extraordinary affections of real and genuine friendship (Ape was my housemate for 4 years in Manila!). Few weeks before she died, we were planning then to have a reunion in Hong Kong and really have the time of our lives! these plans were now on air...Few months after the crossing over of April, our family lost Lola A. Lola A spent most of her lifetime with my family. She was my mother’s nanny when she (my mother) was only 11 years old. She remained such until my mother (an only child) got married, gave birth to 6 children and until all her wards graduated college. Lola A was not your ordinary and typical nanny—her love for my grandmother (Lola A vowed to take care of the family until the end), for my mother and us was something extraordinary, magical and unconditional. She was more than a nanny—she was like a mother—a doting mother actually. The loyalty and faithfulness she showed to my family was something one cannot fathom easily.
As months and years passed by, I personally discovered that I’ve been grieving each of the important deaths in my life until now. My mind still wanders around their burial memories, their memorial services and other closure rituals. My heart and my mind confirms the emotional fact that I miss them terribly! However, from time to time, I am comforted by my spiritual belief that in the end of our respective timelines, my family will have reunion in heaven. Because each of them had played unique role in my life, losing each of them left a tender void in my entire being—casting a shadow in my present life and most probably in my future. Now I can say that I’m bouncing back beautifully after these deaths but still, denying the fact that my grieving is not yet over will be a lie to my being. I am making ways to cope with grief and the thought that I was loved by these people comforts me so much in ways I cannot comprehend.
In my prayers, I always tell them that as they now start their journey in heaven---may our love bring them home and show them the way to eternal happiness. The love and care they showed to us through the years will be enough to sustain us through our lifetime. They have taught me so much but I know there is still so much to learn about life, love and death. I am doubly comforted by my belief that with their love, heaven is never too far.
