Death and Dying

To an average man-death is by no means an unpleasant subject or talk for discussion. But why is death inevitable? Why does these painful partings robs life of its joys?To most of us, at some moment or another, the spectacle of death must have given rise to the deepest of thoughts and profoundest of questions!

Recently--I've been a witness to many losses---and talking about death is hard but it is only by understanding the purpose of death that we also understand the purpose of life.In facing the inevitableness of death, there are ghosts I must face, the emotions of loss - anger, confusion, sadness, and even the joy for those no longer suffering. It is a comfort to know that life never ends and that I am a part of the circle. Accepting the reality that I may soon die still gives me unexplainable fear.Going back to my recent experiences of death--the loss of a friend and little sister (April), my grandmother (Lola Nanay)---death is very near and very real to me. In my grief, I face my adversaries - my fears about my own death, my need to be in control, my anger that some things make no sense, my attachments in life and my fear of not finishing what I plan to accomplish in this lifetime. With every loss I take a real blow when Irealize that I have very little control over the most important "decision" about mylives-its length and its ending....but you see--it reminds me as well that I am nothing without God---death is a sonstant reminder that indeed--our life is owned by a supreme being--by a God who plans for everything for us.

ow--I'd rather not think my life will end too soon---my real concern now is on what would I do differently to make each day more rewarding, more fulfilling--at least before my cross over?The challenge remains on how I can create a personal heaven in this life.

As I write this entry--I cant help but think that dance of death is the realization that I will survive the loss of who I thought I were, who and what Ithought I needed, what I thought I could control. I smile with the sad excitement and anticipation of who or what I will become.