Death & Grief

I was surprised to see a message from a long lost friend in my facebook account few days ago. It was from a friend who asked help on how she could cope up with the death of a boyfriend. As much as possible, I avoid topics like that because it brings me back to memory lane--but i cannot help but emphatize with her. Coping with death is actually the most difficult phase in all grieving processes--believe me--the process really takes time (so better be ready to cry and feel sad for a long time!)-- and the healing really happens gradually..as in slowly and painfully! The intensity of the grief depends on the preparedness and predictability of the person on the loss. Honestly, the grief at the onset of the process is much like a wave --the triggers of remembering the person comes on and off. truly, its a difficult phase.

But looking on the other side of the coin--we can always get through! thats the good news! Although coping can sometimes take time--what is important is we can get back to normal life---in due time. For some people, talking about the loneliness and the grief help enormously. Others would change their environment temporarily to symbolize a new start without the person. Some would re-focus on restoring friendships with long lost acquiances or others would just simple focus on work. At first it may seem like impossible to recover--but grief does gradually get better and gets less intense in time. NO matter how you choose to grieve, there is no one right way to do it. The most important element is that you should take care of yourself--this is the best thing that you could do--for yourself, for your remaining loveones and for your family. Its important for surviving loveones not to drop out of life! If you feel that "moving on" is difficult then, "keeping on" might make the difference. Its always better to tell yourself that keeping on with life is what you can do for now--going forward doesnt mean forgetting the person you love. Enjoying life doesnt mean you no longer miss the person--you have to start feeling better because its the best measureof how you loved the person that you wanted to make your life even more meaningful even without him/her. With your friends, family and support group--I'm sure--we can always cope with our loss.

Good Luck!

Psychosis 101

I had a very memorable session with a client I'd like to call "Ms. B" two days ago. Talking with Ms. B and exploring her little world was a complete out of the world experience! Initially, I knew Ms. B is not like my typical clients, not very well dressed, with very poor self-care skills and quiet different! After our brief self-introductions, Ms. B showed me a paper signed by a psychiatrist--Ms. B was diagnosed of suffering from psychosis. She came to me (voluntarily) when she learned about my center (CYWTAC).

Despite of her personal awareness of her condition, she excitedly went to see me and told me (with all her manic excitement!) that she has high hope for recovery! What amazed me so much is Ms. B's awareness of how her condition interferes with her life's everyday demands. Although most of those suffering from psychosis suffers from extreme poor reality testing, Ms. B was the opposite. She told me how her condition is currently affecting her life specifically her relationships. Ms. B (in her bipolaric mood!) narrated to me her experiences of delusions, extreme hallucinations, her abnormal display of emotion, her always mistaken perception and unfounded fear (suspiciousness). She also scholastically told me about her neuroleptic and anti-psychotic medications, her never-ending series of tests (drug screen, MRI, etc..) and the infamous "electroshock" therapy she underwent in the states. Truly, I was amazed! I started to doubt if Ms. B was indeed a psychotic patient--instead of losing contact with her reality--Ms. B was totally connected.

Anyway, what puzzled me so much is Ms. B's attitude and outlook of her condition. Instead of finding a young woman who should be disorganized with her thoughts I met a young lady with so much hope and meaningful life lessons than a normal person.

Allow me to share some of the highlights of our meaningful conversation and see for yourself if we need to listen even to the mentally impaired to learn something about what we call LIFE!

-When asked about how she is coping with her mental disability, Ms. B innocently told me: "WHY BURDEN MYSELF WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE PSYCHOSIS?---THINKING ABOUT IT WILL JUST MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR ME....I'M LIVING MY LIFE WITH PSYCHOSIS AND JUST FINDING WAYS TO ENJOY IT---INCLUDING THE HALLUCINATIONS AND DELUSIONS ALIKE!"

-When asked how she is coping with the stigma of mental disorder, Ms. B excitedly told me: "HONESTLY, I BELIEVE THAT ALL OF US HAVE OUR LITTLE DEGREE OF INSANITY --MINE IS JUST PRONOUNCED, HAS A NAME AND MINE IS WILLINGLY ACCEPTED!"

-When asked about her plans for the future, Ms. B wonderfully answered: "MY FUTURE IS NOW...WHAT I CAN DO NOW CAN MAKE OR BREAK ME--THAT'S MY FUTURE!"

After our talk, I cannot help but ask myself, how many of the supposed normal (!) people can actually think about the life lessons that Ms. B presented? How many of us can really retrospect on those profound thoughts? Most of us when afflicted by temporary pain (emotionally and physically), we tend to wonder what is left of our life after the pain?, or blame these temporary pains and hurts in ruining our lives?

I hope we normal people will have the same outlook in life as that of Ms. B. So positive and so accepting! I hope it will not take psychosis for us to learn the life lessons that Ms. B learned from her existence. In life, truly, there are no mistakes, only lessons!

Anger Management (Part 2)

I believe that once you work with people, it's a must to learn the art of anger regulation! I remember a friend who told me last week of an incident where her boss suddenly burst out his anger (directed at my friend) in front of other people. I knew immediately how this friend of mine was affected because she cried her heart-out right after she went out of his office. Honestly--I knew from that time that I should comfort her and tell her soothing words, but you see, human as I am, my memory flashed back--back to the time when I had that very same experience with that same boss. Honestly, I cannot help but feel angry and eventually turn into a monster! I keep asking myself why he has to hurt another human being again through his unguarded rage--but i tried and succeeded in calming myself! As a psychologist, I always believe that people who are easily angered generally are those with very low tolerance for frustration, inconvenience or annoyance--but this reality should not give us the license to hurt others! It's simply unacceptable!

I had my share of the so called--"full-fledge rage"--but I feel that I am aware (thanks God!) of my emotions... although anger is a natural adaptive response to threats, we cannot physically and emotionally lash out at every person or even objects that irritates or annoys us. Many people believe that anger should be expressed--i cannot help but agree--anger should be expressed than suppressed---but i believe that the healthiest way to express this emotion is through assertive and sensitive means than via aggressive outburst. Everyone feel angry and says and does something he/she regrets after some time--this is normal...but when this anger is damaging relationships, making you (the source of anger) or the victim (of your rage) miserable and thus lead to losing respect (to self and you), then it's a sign that probably that person needs help. I'm a believer in the power of human relations. Anger management is a primary skill when working with people. I hope this boss will remember that more than the failure or the little annoyances or frustrations, he is still working with human beings--who--just like him--have feelings, imperfect (!), needs to be respected and most importantly---like HIM---a PERSON (with dignity!). Like Aristotle---I am a firm believer that anger is normal and an element of humanity--but be angry with the right person, with the right degree, the right time and for the right purpose and most importanly--the right way because you'll never know --you might make the best speech you will ever regret in your life! Whatever is begun in anger, always end up in shame!

Loneliness Explored!

A blog follower of mine sent me a very touching email...she is currently based abroad and she asked me to help her with her lingering loneliness (especially because she is physically away from her support system and totally living her life in a foreign land). While huge number of people suffer from loneliness--very few are willing to talk about it and mostly, don't know what to do with this feeling. Believe me, loneliness is a very real feeling, other than being emotionally painful, loneliness can zap all our human energies and can turn our world upside down. I perfectly understand my reader's emotional state.

Loneliness, like any other negative emotions, can have enormous effect psychologically, spiritually and even physically on the person. The brain is so powerful that when we are lonely, our body can experience physical illnessess or even can depress immunity. So, the more we romanticize loneliness, the more we become sick, phsyically. Many studies also showed that lonely people are drawn to depression and other depressive-like symptoms. In other words, loneliness and depression can feed off eachother, each perpetuating eachother.

So, how can we really overcome loneliness (due to isolation or social exclusion)? Allow me give you some points to consider:

1. Seek support online. There are so many support groups online for loneliness. Although this will take extra precautionary measures since many of these support groups would just amplify your emotions. The best support groups are your friends, your work-buddies and your family!

2. Volunteer. Be it in your local church or charities. Sorrounding yourself with people whom you can emotionally socialize with will help you a lot too. Becoming a volunteer for a cause you believe in has the same effect as enrolling in a class. Furthermore, helping other people will bring greater life satisfaction, happiness and the possiblity of meeting people who might become your friends in the future.

3. Strengthen Existing relationships. Nurture your existing relationships by enhancing your connection with them. Call, email and chat with friends, family members, etc.,.

4. Sorround yourself with happy people. Don't go with people who will in-turn deplete your energy and amplify your loneliness.

5. If you cannot practice the sacrament of LAUGHTER...then...just smile often. Smiling boosts your immune system and produces happy hormones in your brain! Believe me, it's scientifically proven!

6. Go out and smell the flowers. Listen to happy music. Get a four-legged fury friend. Jog. Dance to music.

Loneliness is a form of needing companionship and support..so be sensitive to your personal needs so you can respond to them properly. Believe that a higher power is within you!

Anger Regulation Simplified

Anger is FACT OF LIFE! I'm sure all of us have gone through life with a legitimate anger or even numbers of exxagerated outburst of fury---in essence we grew up with anger even from the beginning of life. Anger is a completely normal emotion, however when anger gets out of control and gets destructive, this can lead to problems--in school, at work and with personal relations.

Anger Regulation is a life skill that all of us should nurture. Allow me to share with you my new guidebook on anger regulation. Please watch out for the release of this educational publication this February 2010. It's a new way to start 2010 with this simple yet helpful book.

Please visit http://www.cywtac.com/ for the details on how you can get a copy.

Year-end Reflections

2009 has just ended and another year has begun--so what's next for me? What's in-store for me this new year? I would love to think about these points from time to time... life has been so good to me in the past years (with it's little highs and lows--winning and losing at the same time!)--and I can't help but pray that this year would be extra special for me. After reviewing my life last year--it's pretty wierd to ask myself now how am I doing? where am I right now? Have I've been more of a loser or a winner? an inspiration or a whiner?

Well, honestly, truth to tell, I dont really know! Maybe this is what I get for taking life as it is--but on the contrary--I felt good for my little accomplishments last year-- I was blessed and I know I definitely need to spread the news.

Another year--another chance to life. I can feel that this year will have suprise packages for me. I know this new year will defy my expectations. I am expecting for momentous and life changing events to happen! So--goodbye to last years ;ife events (2009) and hello to what's yet to come!

For this year, I'd like to:

• get more organized


• Help others even more (in my advocacy)


• publish more books/educational materials to reach out to more people through my advocacy


• travel..and learn more


• get out of debt(!?)


• Tame the bulge (Weight!)--Fit in fitness


• Spend more time with family


• put more extra string in my spirituality

Well, my list can go on and on--but even though these resolutions could certainly be forgetten when "february" kicks in---it's still a great time to listen to whatGod might be asking me to consider.

Happy New Life to All of Us!

Life Lessons Revisited

I met my students today (after a long christmas vacation!) and they were caught unprepared for the pre-activity I asked them to do before we started the formal lesson......well, i asked them to nurture their intrapersonal dimension by revisiting the life lessons they learned in 2009. I was amazed by the beautiful revelations and sharing of life lessons from my students....these insights were not only eye openers for my other studets but a source of inspiration for me to continue working with young people. Allow me to share some of the most beautiful and heart-warming life insights from my students:

• Joy & anger are all vital factors in being human. That its okay to be angry if you must.


• That love is beyond what one can see physically...


• That bad things even happen to GOOD people...but what differentiates the good from the bad is that good people are always victorious!


• Uncertainty is caused by lack of knowledge and hesitation is the product of fear!


• Time do heal all wounds...


• Most of the time, what you are looking for is just infront of you!


• Kindness and hardwork will bring you to places


• People desreves a second chance but not a third!


• If there should be one important hobby--it should be taking pictures...one day you'll be glad you've captured those moments.


• You cannot force another person to love you..love is always voluntary!


• That its a must to look good before you sleep..you'll never know if you will wake up in the morning.
• Not everyone that shits you is an enemy!


• That reality most of the time is painful!

Life is truly the greatest teacher...everyday is an opportunity to grow as a person!

FOOD FOR THE BRAIN PROGRAM

CYWTAC is now accepting donations of workbooks/activity books for the children displaced by MAyon Volcano Eruption. I personally thought of launching this program after working with kids in the evacuation centers. These kids needs cognitive stimulation in fun and interactive ways. From the time the were forcibly evacuated, these kids never got hold of any book..with no stress relieving activities and as equally disturbed like their parents. In this program, we hope to collect workbooks from generous donors and distribute them to the kids to at least lessen their distress symptoms.

Should anybody is interested to support this program, please feel free to email me at mpenetrante@yahoo.com or text me in any of the following numbers: 09178651901 or 09215883900.

Smiling Angels

Today I am blessed to see face to face genuine smiles of angels.

The sudden eruption of Mayon Volcano came as a surprise to all Albayanos. This catastrophe frightened children and adults alike. After spending some time with the kids, I definitely knew that these young survivors are pretty well aware of their parents' worries and fears from the time the local government imposed the forced evacuation to the people living within the dangerous zones. LIke other trauma victims, these kids became particularly sensitive. For some visitors of the evacuation centers, these kids may appear normal especially because they seem to have huge energy-deposits for playing and rolling over the dusty classrooms. But as I observed and talked to some kids, distress symptoms became apparent like clinging to parents, persistent fear of another disaster, loss of concentration and even jumpiness. These are red flags that should alert every mental health professionals serving these special populations.

Driven by the thought of providing fun and interactive activites for the kids, I organized a kids day in one of the evacuation centers of the province. This activity became a reality with the help of the young people who said "yes" to the informal invitation (the facebook power!). These volunteers unconsiously made great deposits of life points in heaven! I was tremendously touched by their dedication and ability to respond. How I wish I was given the same oppurtunity to reach out voluntarily to causes that makes a difference in the world one step at a time.

The volunteers willingly shared their gifts to the kids and invested efforts in facilitating the games, storytelling activity, leading the group singing, showing their magical abilities and even dancing for the kids. The smile on the faces of the children were priceless! I hope the volunteers saw and felt the ripple effect of what they did for the most vulnerable members of the population. They may not know it but a whole bunch of kids (160 in exact figure) benefited from their participation. I hope the experience will continue to broaden their perspective on what is actually happening in the world around them. The commitment they exhibited was sky beyond the limit!

Dios mabalos to the volunteers! I hope you let the fire for service burning! Truly--you made angels smile with your commitment and care!

Sa uulitin!

Loving "Sa Buhay Ko"

This morning my niece asked me to drop her off to school. While driving the car, she turned on the cd player and suddenly told me to listen to her new favorite song--then--the music played---I knew i've heared of the song many times--but this morning--that song had a very different effect on me--I don't know why--maybe because I was curious why my little 9 year old niece loved it--or maybe because I felt the love and spiritual bug so my spirit inspired me to deeply listen beyond the melody and the lyrics of the song. When I asked my niece why she loved it--she innocently told me (with her little twang!)--"kasi tita its about buhay--its about life, kaya nga sa buhay ko!."

On my way to the office alone, I can't help but listen to the song for the second time. While listening, I felt so--different--so weird yet so peaceful. It was as if my spirit drifted to a spiritual wonderland. Balancing my thoughts--I told myself that maybe its the melody--it was slow and relaxing awakening my melancholic persona--or maybe its the lyrics--so dramatic yet so real--or maybe it was the voice behind the song-- so up front that made this song so unforgettably raw--producing an intimate quality of adoration. Later in my introspection--my mind and my heart agreed to one conclusion--its the over-all package that made this song so spiritually enriching. The song inspired me to readdress my feelings about God's lingering love for me.

Sa Buhay ko is a song in the album Called by Love of Fr. Raul Caga, SVD--I've heared the songs in the album over and over again but this special track moved my spirit! This song embraced a new wave of modern gospel in a traditional musical stance. I find the music so peaceful (be it spiritually or romantically!) the consistency of the song in one course of moving music line and melody made it so spiritually unique.

When I reviewed the details of the song--luckily I found out that it was written and put to music by two good people I personally know--Raymund Marcaida (RAMA) and Nez Marcelo (NEZ). After knowing this, the more the song felt closer to me. With proper promotion and exposure, I know this song would reach its stratospheric height!

Now I am spreading the good news---try listening to this song and you will be as spiritually-struck as I am! We now live in the world that is increasingly becoming hostile to gospel--this song will give us the avenue to renew our wonderful and loving relationship with Christ.

Happy Listening!

Note:

The album, CALLED BY LOVE by Fr. Raul Caga and the Arnoldus Company is available at all CAtholic Trade Stores and SVD Seminaries. You can likewise inquire at any SVD run schools for the availability of the album.