Attacked by an Emotional Vampire

Last month I was attacked by a vampire! Believe me--it was a traumatic experience!

The vampire I was referring to was not the dark and seductively creature from a coffin but a vampire of different figure! She was charming, pulse pounding being who drained me not of my own blood but of every last drop of my emotional energy. She was a perfect example of an emotional vampire!

If I were to diagnose this lady--I could very well name her condition--a narcissistic vampire. Main symptom: huge ego and little conscience! Its downright crazy to mingle with her---a true drama queen, demanding boss (who tortures her staff tremendously!) and a manipulative vampire who gets under the skin of everyone and drain the people around her dry! really dry!

A self-proclaimed genius, she will do everything to climb the ladder of success even if it would mean torturing her people and taking advantage of others. My experience with her made me see a true blooded emotional vampire in its perfect form. She is a hard driving competitor who throws tantrum when she lose. After talking to her, I ca'nt help but think how she regards anything short of recognition as rejection. I pity my friends (who works with her) because they are helpless. She has power and she is using this power to emorionally drain people. I was there when she lambasted a staff (who happens to be a friend) and I cannot help but think how this person could find fault in others despite of the fact that she carries the over-all responsibility for their failure! Maybe it was her overly high opinion of herself that she can no longer congenitally recognize her own mistakes and shortcomings. She finds fault in everything and everyone but never to herself--a picture example of emotional vampirism!

I am happy that I am not in her world now, but I am concerned with the friends I left behind. I hope they will find courage to really deal with her at some point of their lives. I personally advise that they make every possible effort to cut ties with that person if they cannot help her change. I hope they will not be sucked up with her endless emotional dramas! Emotional distancing I think is the key. I hope they will find courage to stop her bloodletting because she is real---she dont just come out during halloweens! She is a reality everyday! My short encounter with this emotional leeche left me depleted, much more the people who interacts with her every day! You see, she is a true emotional thirsty folk! She may not have the "fang" to attack but believe me--you will feel her bite! I was bitten so I knew how it felt.

I hope my friends will realize that its time to hold the wooden sticks and the silver bullets before she can zap other people's energy!

The Power of Affirmation

Tonight I am most inspired to write about the power of affirmation when I met Andrew and Joseph at a carwash station for my weekly car cleaning. This afternoon was a typical saturday fo me but these two young gentlemen (who became my regular car wash boys!) made my weekend memorable. While I was sipping my cold mango juice and waiting for my car to be washed up, I had my usual chit-chat with these two young men. As usual, Andrew was the complainer and Joseph was the booster! While working, Andrew as usual, complained about almost every dimension of his life--his work (too difficult!), his family (too dependent), his health (too sensitive) and his friends (bad influence). Every after his complaints, Joseph, on the other hand, would reverse the aura of Andrew. For every negative things Andrew mentions, Joseph would give affirmation statements. After an hour of washing and waxing, the cleaning was over but what was apparent was the fact that--andrew became so tired (physically and psychologically) for complaining and joseph--finished his work with a smile. What a difference! Truly--there is great power in affirmation!

Affirmation refers to positive statements about self that one makes to replace negative ones. That experience made me realize that developing a powerful mind-set is one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Using positive thinking, affirmation and visualizations can truly transform life at a personal level. It will transfrm your view of the world and renew the passion and joy for life. It was evident that Andrew ended up very unhappy and tired because there was so much negativity he unconsciously placed on himself and the world.

This afternoon--I learned a very important lesson---that positivity can help develop a powerful and positive attitude to life. I hope all of us will not forget to make positive affirmations a hard habit to break!

Riding the Waves of Grief...Beautifully!

I can't help but be amazed at how Joannie Rochette ( the skater ) poured every bit of her heavy heart at the Pacific Coliseum and in the end made the performance of a lifetime!

Joannie's mother died of heart attack 48 hours before her daughter's performance. Yes, people here and then experiences losses in their lives, but losing a love one 48 hours before performing at the olympics is a different story. Despite of the grief and the loneliness of losing a great mother, Joannie did not just performed, she delivered...she did'nt just attempted--she soared!

Joannie is a perfect picture of the resilience of the heart! She showed to the world that despite of the pain---we can do more! we can still deliver perfection in totally painful situations.

Joannie's story reminded me not to lose hope--that if we are hurting right now--a new beginning is coming all at the same time. We may never understand the mysteries of life--but trusting God and yourself--we can still live life to the fullest!

I salute Joannie!

The Beautiful Swan

Last weekend, I saw my niece reading her favorite book--Christian Andersen's Ugly Duckling. With the desire to rekindle my child within, I borrowed the book and took time to re-read it again (although thanks to cartoon network and disney channel, I probably watched different animated version of this fairy tale!).

After revisiting the theme of the story, I can't help but look at how the story strikes a chord with us, with our life stories--many of us think we are ugly duckling! Many of us believe that we are as ugly as the little duck in the story until we find, discover and awaken to the fact that we are beautiful swans! Beautiful swans who have great potentials, lovable and can soar beyond our limits. Swans who are magnificient beings capable of flight! Isn't that something to be proud of?

It's nice to remember and read beyond the lines of each fairy tale--somewhere, somehow--it reminds us of who we really are! Like the ugly duckling story---the SWAN IS OUR TRUE SELVES---we just need to believe!

Believing the lie of our ugliness can just bury our innate beauty and happiness. The sooner we change our perspective and belief--that we are beautiful, like the swan--the sooner we will experience genuine pride and happiness.

I hope it will not take a tragedy just for us to discover our great beauty!

Death & Grief

I was surprised to see a message from a long lost friend in my facebook account few days ago. It was from a friend who asked help on how she could cope up with the death of a boyfriend. As much as possible, I avoid topics like that because it brings me back to memory lane--but i cannot help but emphatize with her. Coping with death is actually the most difficult phase in all grieving processes--believe me--the process really takes time (so better be ready to cry and feel sad for a long time!)-- and the healing really happens gradually..as in slowly and painfully! The intensity of the grief depends on the preparedness and predictability of the person on the loss. Honestly, the grief at the onset of the process is much like a wave --the triggers of remembering the person comes on and off. truly, its a difficult phase.

But looking on the other side of the coin--we can always get through! thats the good news! Although coping can sometimes take time--what is important is we can get back to normal life---in due time. For some people, talking about the loneliness and the grief help enormously. Others would change their environment temporarily to symbolize a new start without the person. Some would re-focus on restoring friendships with long lost acquiances or others would just simple focus on work. At first it may seem like impossible to recover--but grief does gradually get better and gets less intense in time. NO matter how you choose to grieve, there is no one right way to do it. The most important element is that you should take care of yourself--this is the best thing that you could do--for yourself, for your remaining loveones and for your family. Its important for surviving loveones not to drop out of life! If you feel that "moving on" is difficult then, "keeping on" might make the difference. Its always better to tell yourself that keeping on with life is what you can do for now--going forward doesnt mean forgetting the person you love. Enjoying life doesnt mean you no longer miss the person--you have to start feeling better because its the best measureof how you loved the person that you wanted to make your life even more meaningful even without him/her. With your friends, family and support group--I'm sure--we can always cope with our loss.

Good Luck!

Psychosis 101

I had a very memorable session with a client I'd like to call "Ms. B" two days ago. Talking with Ms. B and exploring her little world was a complete out of the world experience! Initially, I knew Ms. B is not like my typical clients, not very well dressed, with very poor self-care skills and quiet different! After our brief self-introductions, Ms. B showed me a paper signed by a psychiatrist--Ms. B was diagnosed of suffering from psychosis. She came to me (voluntarily) when she learned about my center (CYWTAC).

Despite of her personal awareness of her condition, she excitedly went to see me and told me (with all her manic excitement!) that she has high hope for recovery! What amazed me so much is Ms. B's awareness of how her condition interferes with her life's everyday demands. Although most of those suffering from psychosis suffers from extreme poor reality testing, Ms. B was the opposite. She told me how her condition is currently affecting her life specifically her relationships. Ms. B (in her bipolaric mood!) narrated to me her experiences of delusions, extreme hallucinations, her abnormal display of emotion, her always mistaken perception and unfounded fear (suspiciousness). She also scholastically told me about her neuroleptic and anti-psychotic medications, her never-ending series of tests (drug screen, MRI, etc..) and the infamous "electroshock" therapy she underwent in the states. Truly, I was amazed! I started to doubt if Ms. B was indeed a psychotic patient--instead of losing contact with her reality--Ms. B was totally connected.

Anyway, what puzzled me so much is Ms. B's attitude and outlook of her condition. Instead of finding a young woman who should be disorganized with her thoughts I met a young lady with so much hope and meaningful life lessons than a normal person.

Allow me to share some of the highlights of our meaningful conversation and see for yourself if we need to listen even to the mentally impaired to learn something about what we call LIFE!

-When asked about how she is coping with her mental disability, Ms. B innocently told me: "WHY BURDEN MYSELF WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE PSYCHOSIS?---THINKING ABOUT IT WILL JUST MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR ME....I'M LIVING MY LIFE WITH PSYCHOSIS AND JUST FINDING WAYS TO ENJOY IT---INCLUDING THE HALLUCINATIONS AND DELUSIONS ALIKE!"

-When asked how she is coping with the stigma of mental disorder, Ms. B excitedly told me: "HONESTLY, I BELIEVE THAT ALL OF US HAVE OUR LITTLE DEGREE OF INSANITY --MINE IS JUST PRONOUNCED, HAS A NAME AND MINE IS WILLINGLY ACCEPTED!"

-When asked about her plans for the future, Ms. B wonderfully answered: "MY FUTURE IS NOW...WHAT I CAN DO NOW CAN MAKE OR BREAK ME--THAT'S MY FUTURE!"

After our talk, I cannot help but ask myself, how many of the supposed normal (!) people can actually think about the life lessons that Ms. B presented? How many of us can really retrospect on those profound thoughts? Most of us when afflicted by temporary pain (emotionally and physically), we tend to wonder what is left of our life after the pain?, or blame these temporary pains and hurts in ruining our lives?

I hope we normal people will have the same outlook in life as that of Ms. B. So positive and so accepting! I hope it will not take psychosis for us to learn the life lessons that Ms. B learned from her existence. In life, truly, there are no mistakes, only lessons!

Anger Management (Part 2)

I believe that once you work with people, it's a must to learn the art of anger regulation! I remember a friend who told me last week of an incident where her boss suddenly burst out his anger (directed at my friend) in front of other people. I knew immediately how this friend of mine was affected because she cried her heart-out right after she went out of his office. Honestly--I knew from that time that I should comfort her and tell her soothing words, but you see, human as I am, my memory flashed back--back to the time when I had that very same experience with that same boss. Honestly, I cannot help but feel angry and eventually turn into a monster! I keep asking myself why he has to hurt another human being again through his unguarded rage--but i tried and succeeded in calming myself! As a psychologist, I always believe that people who are easily angered generally are those with very low tolerance for frustration, inconvenience or annoyance--but this reality should not give us the license to hurt others! It's simply unacceptable!

I had my share of the so called--"full-fledge rage"--but I feel that I am aware (thanks God!) of my emotions... although anger is a natural adaptive response to threats, we cannot physically and emotionally lash out at every person or even objects that irritates or annoys us. Many people believe that anger should be expressed--i cannot help but agree--anger should be expressed than suppressed---but i believe that the healthiest way to express this emotion is through assertive and sensitive means than via aggressive outburst. Everyone feel angry and says and does something he/she regrets after some time--this is normal...but when this anger is damaging relationships, making you (the source of anger) or the victim (of your rage) miserable and thus lead to losing respect (to self and you), then it's a sign that probably that person needs help. I'm a believer in the power of human relations. Anger management is a primary skill when working with people. I hope this boss will remember that more than the failure or the little annoyances or frustrations, he is still working with human beings--who--just like him--have feelings, imperfect (!), needs to be respected and most importantly---like HIM---a PERSON (with dignity!). Like Aristotle---I am a firm believer that anger is normal and an element of humanity--but be angry with the right person, with the right degree, the right time and for the right purpose and most importanly--the right way because you'll never know --you might make the best speech you will ever regret in your life! Whatever is begun in anger, always end up in shame!

Loneliness Explored!

A blog follower of mine sent me a very touching email...she is currently based abroad and she asked me to help her with her lingering loneliness (especially because she is physically away from her support system and totally living her life in a foreign land). While huge number of people suffer from loneliness--very few are willing to talk about it and mostly, don't know what to do with this feeling. Believe me, loneliness is a very real feeling, other than being emotionally painful, loneliness can zap all our human energies and can turn our world upside down. I perfectly understand my reader's emotional state.

Loneliness, like any other negative emotions, can have enormous effect psychologically, spiritually and even physically on the person. The brain is so powerful that when we are lonely, our body can experience physical illnessess or even can depress immunity. So, the more we romanticize loneliness, the more we become sick, phsyically. Many studies also showed that lonely people are drawn to depression and other depressive-like symptoms. In other words, loneliness and depression can feed off eachother, each perpetuating eachother.

So, how can we really overcome loneliness (due to isolation or social exclusion)? Allow me give you some points to consider:

1. Seek support online. There are so many support groups online for loneliness. Although this will take extra precautionary measures since many of these support groups would just amplify your emotions. The best support groups are your friends, your work-buddies and your family!

2. Volunteer. Be it in your local church or charities. Sorrounding yourself with people whom you can emotionally socialize with will help you a lot too. Becoming a volunteer for a cause you believe in has the same effect as enrolling in a class. Furthermore, helping other people will bring greater life satisfaction, happiness and the possiblity of meeting people who might become your friends in the future.

3. Strengthen Existing relationships. Nurture your existing relationships by enhancing your connection with them. Call, email and chat with friends, family members, etc.,.

4. Sorround yourself with happy people. Don't go with people who will in-turn deplete your energy and amplify your loneliness.

5. If you cannot practice the sacrament of LAUGHTER...then...just smile often. Smiling boosts your immune system and produces happy hormones in your brain! Believe me, it's scientifically proven!

6. Go out and smell the flowers. Listen to happy music. Get a four-legged fury friend. Jog. Dance to music.

Loneliness is a form of needing companionship and support..so be sensitive to your personal needs so you can respond to them properly. Believe that a higher power is within you!

Anger Regulation Simplified

Anger is FACT OF LIFE! I'm sure all of us have gone through life with a legitimate anger or even numbers of exxagerated outburst of fury---in essence we grew up with anger even from the beginning of life. Anger is a completely normal emotion, however when anger gets out of control and gets destructive, this can lead to problems--in school, at work and with personal relations.

Anger Regulation is a life skill that all of us should nurture. Allow me to share with you my new guidebook on anger regulation. Please watch out for the release of this educational publication this February 2010. It's a new way to start 2010 with this simple yet helpful book.

Please visit http://www.cywtac.com/ for the details on how you can get a copy.

Year-end Reflections

2009 has just ended and another year has begun--so what's next for me? What's in-store for me this new year? I would love to think about these points from time to time... life has been so good to me in the past years (with it's little highs and lows--winning and losing at the same time!)--and I can't help but pray that this year would be extra special for me. After reviewing my life last year--it's pretty wierd to ask myself now how am I doing? where am I right now? Have I've been more of a loser or a winner? an inspiration or a whiner?

Well, honestly, truth to tell, I dont really know! Maybe this is what I get for taking life as it is--but on the contrary--I felt good for my little accomplishments last year-- I was blessed and I know I definitely need to spread the news.

Another year--another chance to life. I can feel that this year will have suprise packages for me. I know this new year will defy my expectations. I am expecting for momentous and life changing events to happen! So--goodbye to last years ;ife events (2009) and hello to what's yet to come!

For this year, I'd like to:

• get more organized


• Help others even more (in my advocacy)


• publish more books/educational materials to reach out to more people through my advocacy


• travel..and learn more


• get out of debt(!?)


• Tame the bulge (Weight!)--Fit in fitness


• Spend more time with family


• put more extra string in my spirituality

Well, my list can go on and on--but even though these resolutions could certainly be forgetten when "february" kicks in---it's still a great time to listen to whatGod might be asking me to consider.

Happy New Life to All of Us!