Looking Beyond the Heart

"How could my mother not look beyond what she can see in me?" That question personally struck me during one of my counseling sessions with Lela (name changed), a 14 year old young lady referred to me by her mother. From the first time I met Lela, I knew a beautiful young soul is there--waiting to break free despite of the resentments and the deep-seated anger. In each session, Lela's need to liberate from her mother's negative view of her became more and more obvious. Her words unconciously wanted to let her parents see beyond her appearance, wanting her to be accepted as a perfect potential who is slowly fulfilling itself perfectly.

In my many therapy and counseling sessions with teens and with parents as well, I personally observed that conflict seem to be a daily parenting challenge in teen-parent relationships. I dont know why many parents and/or treens instead of finding ways to manage their disagreements, they wait until problems become big..too huge that they cannot handle the conflict anymore--with one or two of them carrying extreme emotional baggages. Although its pretty inevitable for parents and teens not to have conflicts (developmentally--they are at different places!)--parents and children may find better communication skills and self-monitoring successful strategies to reduce feelings of anger and conflict. It should be noted that anger is like the mercury in a thermometer, when left unchecked the intensity of the emotion increases from frustration to anger and then to other things like rage and bitterness. In Lela's case--the mercury reached its highiest temperature recorded. I just hope that parents will do their best to try breaking barriers-- believing that by being there for their children and listening with empathy and love will help them look beyond their little misunderstandings. By showing interest in their feelings and opinions, even when they disagree, this will later help build trust and mutual respect.

Truly, parenting is a difficult ministry.Raising kids is indeed one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which many parents may feel the least prepared...but--with love and genuine care--parents are giving a valuable gift that will last a lifetime in their teen's life. Looking beyond the superficial will be a great leap!

Happy Parenting!

Going Gaga Over Yoga (part 2)

I had a breakfast meeting with the young and energetic yoga trainers of CYWTAC! Its nice to really meet up with friends. While savoring the tasty tapsilog, we talked about our plans of giving yoga workshop for kids---You see, when presented in a child's language, yoga can help counter the stress experienced of living in a hurry-up world...our children live in a hurry-up world of busy parents, school pressures, incessant lessons, video games, malls, and competitive sports. The bustling pace of our children's lives can have a profound effect on their innate joy—and usually not for the better. ..these i believe are current realities we cannot close our eyes as responsible adults. I discussed about dreaming to bring these workshop to both public and private schools in the province---although my trainers gave me a "wide eye reactions"!(as if they want to wake me up from dreaming!:))

I always believe that when children learn techniques for self-health, relaxation, and peaceful energy burning activity, they can navigate life's challenges with a little more ease. Yoga at an early age encourages self-esteem and body awareness with a physical activity that's noncompetitive. Im talking about health yoga here---hatha yoga precisely where children will be taught relaxation techniques and the beauty of breathing in silence. With hatha yoga-- we can teach our so busy kids with--stillness, balance, flexibility, focus, peace, grace, connection, health, and well-being.

Maybe the tapsilog helped us so much because we ended our meeting with the same degree of passion--the fire to be able to wake up and discover that we both lived our dreams!

A Different Heart Beat

I always write about my recent trips and travel with friends--and I think it will not do justice to my most recent trip if I will not write anything about it. My days at Masbate were simply fabulous! Over and above the new places I discovered in that magnificient island (I always discover something new even if it's my 5th time to visit!), its the beautiful oppurtunity to meet new people and to deepen relationships with special friends--those factors made me rich again! (i'm just counting my blessings!)

I visited Masbate for some important matters (related to work) and of course--because of the fact that I will be visiting Angelo with Fr. Matthieu (a dear friend!)....

We visited Fazenda-a special catholic rehab center that is taking care of young drug and alcohol addicts by trying to show them a new way of life simply by living the gospel each day. The farm was nice and really beautiful! More than the place--I was truly happy meeting Angelo...Even if I just met him once--I knew he evolved beautifully as a person with the help of Tulay and Fazenda. With Angelo--I was reminded not to lose hope on people-especially on children and never to underestimate their capability for metamorphosis.

Another milestone was the fact that finally---after so much prodding--Fr. Matthieu came to Bicol and saw the province of culture and beauty. My travel time and experiences with this very nice, appreciative and truly deep man will truly be remembered.

I will always remember my funny experience at the boat (jet ski feeling!), the long walk at fazenda (as in very long walk at the farm!), the walk at the city proper--the lunch date with Wenter (truly nice friend!) and the long wait for the plane (although I lost in the countdown :)--Father Matthieu had the last laugh!:), And wait... can't forget the mega-exercise at Lingon Hill! Oh--I started missing my daily walks! and of course, the company of friends!

"There is an energy field between humans. And, when we reach out in passion, it is met with an answering passion and changes the relationship forever"--Rollo May

Kiko

Last night, I attended the simple yet beautiful despedida party for a dear friend--KIKO. Kiks as his friends fondly call him, will leave for the US to finally finish his amazing calling for religious life. One of our common friend told me how kiks will be missed---his shy smile, his "always" sympathetic eyes and his genuine friendship....I couldn't protest but agree...KIKO proved to be a beautiful and genuine person inside and out. His amazing way of making each of his friends so accepted and valuable made him so close to our hearts. Honestly--I feel mix emotions for him--I'm sad that he will be so far away to us ---we will miss our outings together---the long talks about his plans, the san mig light moments, his struggles, the warmth of his friendship and his excellent dancing skills (pag lasing sya lalo na!)...but at the same time---I am happy for him...he finally got the blessing he's been praying for. Kiko's journey to his vocation taught me one thing though--that vocation is a very simple thing on one hand and yet quite complex on another--and the most important of all though is the fact that when YOU ARE TRULY CALLED TO SERVE GOD--HE WILL TRULY MAKE A WAY---be it through straight directional route or the long and hard way. For Kik's it was through the long--painful--hard--truly hard--way. Despite of all these dificult times--Kiko must have been very blessed because ---I was amazed at his tranquility despite of his sufferings, reverses and difficult moments. In a way, I discovered a call within myself and found it re-echoed in this article...Kik's showed me the benefits of tranquility in the middle of spiritual chaos. Kiko--the strong willed man with the fire to serve--showed that to me.

So to my dear friend kik's--always remember that failure is never final, so---do not stop your efforts until your victory makes a history!

Thanks my dear friend for the beautiful years spent genuinely for me and your friends...I know you're in safe hands---I am looking forward to visiting you in the next coming years!

My Life as a Teacher

In some of my "sentimental moments" i would at times ask why I chose to be a teacher. I've been to industrial settings, clinical institutions--but in the end--I would always go back to the teaching profession. Sometimes I would think that maybe teaching is in my blood (genetically predispposed to be a teacher) or maybe--because there is something I internally get in teaching. Or is it because--teaching is not just something I enjoy doing--maybe its who I am....

Honestly--teaching is a difficult job...I don't get the financial security my friends get in the corporate world...you have to have huge patience for your students....understanding for those "older than you" students who would underestimates what you can do as a teacher.....and not to mention the many bulk of work that awaits you (lesson plans, classroom activities, etc...)...believe me--its a tough job....

As i write this entry--I cant help but ask myself again--what made me choose this profession? (I could have concentrated on my wellness center or embrace my work as trainer and enjoy the travel perks---but in the end---I always find myself inside the classroom!). It´s a job you cannot imagine what comes next.

Is it because...

I am passionate about applied psychology? or because I love working with young adults? or is it because I believe that teaching is a way to make a difference?

Well, I dont know---maybe the reasons above are true--but what I know is the fact that in teaching I get genuine happiness despite of the difficulties it carries. It is indeed important to connect and reconnect with my purpose as I continue to reflect why I chose this profession--but what I am feeling in this kind of calling is even more important. My life as a teacher has made me very rich--rich in generosity, in friends and in wisdom. In one of my readings---Bob Dylan quotation clearly captured my life as a teacher--he once said "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." That's what I am doing now---and I am proud to be a teacher!

THe DeAtH oF a sTaR!

I am not a die-hard follower of Michael Jackson--but I can honestly admit that I love his music! There was no denying his talent. MJ combined the beauty of pop music and rhytym and blues.Despite his surreal personal life, lurid legal scandals, serial plastic surgeries and erratic public behavior---I wanted to look at MJ as an artist and a songwriter. MJ as a singer, songwriter, dancer and celebrity icon is a musical reality the world cannot deny. I would be a high breed hypocrit if I will not admit that everybody knew Michael Jackson (from the class A to D to the prisoners). Everyone had watched him perform, sang his songs (remember the thriller fever?!), tried to dance with his music and, yes, everyone was collectively aghast by much of his recent behavior. But let's face it---MJ is MJ and he is a part of our music world. For his legions of fans, he was the Peter Pan of pop music: the little boy who refused to grow up----but magically captured the hearts of millions through his music. MJ became more a character than singer: his sequined glove, his whitened face, his moonwalk dance move became embedded in the cultural firmament--everything made MJ a total unique performer--not ashamed to show who he wanted to become. MJ was constantly in the process of BECOMING!

I asked myself after MJ's death--in what dimension will MJ be remembered? With all honesty--I want to remember him as the unsurpassed entertainer, the gifted and driven song-and-dance artist who wielded rhythm, melody, texture and image to create and promote love and peace in his art....MJ's life even his death stayed remote, styled, rehearsed and choreographed.

To a total performer---may you rest in peace! May your music reach high heavens!

BuS 9 to PaRaDiSe

I finally finished reading the book entitled: "Bus 9 to Paradise" by Leo Buscaglia! The book has been with me (inside my bag) for almost 5 days now--I was planning to finish the entire book by one or two days (the most) but my life demanded so much from me--so--I finished reading this beautiful literature after 5 days. Believe me---after reading this book---I embraced so much my life again! I was hooked at loving life even more. The insights Leo shared in the book reflects his somewhat lighter and very warm life-philosophies.

BUS 9 TO PARADISE presented numerous warm reflections of Leo Buscaglia--very loosely related and almost appeared like a book of meditations. Buscaglia’s main focus this time is to tell everyone to embrace all that life has to offer. Leo's passion for life became even more evident in this book. What I love the most is the part where he wrote reflections about “Death". Leo said that “there is nothing to fear in death as long as we understand that each moment has a life unto itself with as much possibility of joy and happiness as we are willing to bring to it.” Amazing! I can't help but really look into my life and see how I can live the most of it beautifully so that if death comes---I can tell myself that I have lived life to the fullest!

This book made me really reflect how I can make a paradise on earth--with how I live my life. By believing that our existence is precisely what we make it and by embracing the many pleasures life has to offer, we can have unlimited joy--and in the end create the real paradise on earth! Like many of his readers, I would like to take the chance of opening myself to the life-affirming journey to my paradise. I know it will be the beginning of the most important trip i'll ever take!

Read the book and embrace life even more!

ThE COurAge Of a MaN

Like many Filipinos--most of the time--I become frustrated with the political system of our country. Like many, I can't control myself from talking against the government--criticize the TRAPOS (traditional Politicians) and just be apathetic! But you see, when Prof. Randy David declared his intention to run for congressman agaisnt PGMA-- I was slapped! slapped out of my complacency! Randy David's courage hit me real bad! Philippines need more good intentioned people to take up the challenge to go against the trapos dominating the phil government. I felt that like David, we need to just stop complaining and do something about our frustration (at least positively displace these negative feelings!). Writing this entry will definetly be my first step. Randy David's declaration to stand against PGMA is a new voice--a new voice for change. But Prof. David, though, won't make much of a difference if he goes at it alone. We need people to back him up---like Panlilio--David is a choice among the lesser evil. David lamented that "Hindi puedeng salita na lang tayo nang salita [We can't just keep on talking] when we know something is wrong," David said, referring to Ms Arroyo's purported plan to stay longer in power via a parliamentary system of government. We have to take note that seat in Congress can be a step to clinch the speakership and later the prime minister's post if her allies succeed to include political provisions in Charter amendments.

With Prof. David's possible running against PGMA would be a good move for the democratic process in the country because voters would have more choices---more options to choose from. David's life of honor (as a professor), integrity (as a coloumnist) and good example (as a Father and Husband) will definitely convince good natured people (and thinking men and women) like me to put him in the congress.

I hope this event in our country will awaken our sensitivity against the evil (people and system) prevaling in our political arena.

Go Professor David! Take the challenge---remember--it was the small "David" (like you) that killed GoLIath!

ThE LeSSons FrOm NoAh's ArK

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One : Don't miss the boat. In OTHER WORDS---GRAB THE LITTLE OPPORTUNITIES LIFE HAS IN STORE FOR YOU! You'LL NEVER KNOW IF THAT CHANCE WILL FACE YOU AGAIN! TAKE THE RISKS!!

Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat. IN OTHER WORDS---EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY IS IMPORTANT. BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE--REMEMBER THAT WE ARE ACCOUNTABLE NOT ONLY TO OURSELVES BUT TO OTHERS AS WELL.

Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. IN OTHER WORDS--THERE'S NO HARM IN LOOKING AT YOUR FUTURE--WE CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT OUR PAST--ITS OVER AND DONE--BUT WE CAN DEFINITELY DO SOMETHING ABOUT OUR PRESENT AND FUTURE!

Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.IN OTHER WORDS--LIFE IS TRULY FULL OF SURPRISES!! BE READY TO BE GIVEN THE SHOCK(S) OF YOUR LIFE ALL THE TIME! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU'LL BE READY FOR ALL THE UNEXPECTED EVENTS !

Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done..IN OTHER WORDS--AT TIMES IT'S BEST TO BE DEAF! FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND KNOW YOUR POTENTIALS!

Six : Build your future on high ground.IN OTHER WORDS---WHEN YOU PLAN--CONSIDER THE RISKS BUT DONT LET THESE PRECONCEIVED DANGERS STOP YOU--RE-ENGINEER YOUR PLANS---YOU'LL NEVER KNOW--IT MIGHT WORK!

Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.IN OTHER WORDS--ITS ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND TO SHARE YOUR PASSION AND FRUSTRATIONS IN LIFE! LIFE IS MORE BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHARED WITH OTHERS.

Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on b oard with the cheetahs.IN OTHER WORDS--SMELL THE FLOWERS FROM TIME TO TIME! ENJOY LIFE'S LITTLE STOP-OVERS!

Nine : When you're stressed, float for a while. IN OTHER WORDS--CHILL! TAKE TIME TO STOP AND HAVE A BREAK!

Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals---IN OTHER WORDS--DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE WHAT YOU CAN DO AND WHAT'S INSIDE OF YOU!

GREATEST LESSON: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...

Pano mo Malalaman na Mahal Ka ng GF mo?

Today I opened my blog and was surprised to know that I had 1 inquiry pala on my "Pinoy Ligaw" entry. Sorry I was really busy for the past days---I hope I did not disappoint the person who entered that comment...I suppose to0---you are a guy--from the tone of your comment--I got an impression that you are a guy who had fallen head over heels with your girlfriend---but wanted to know signs if your girl loves you too!right?

Anyway, love....Amour..... Amore--such a beautiful but complicated issue!! The signs of true love are melodramatic --anyway--from my experiences of working with adults and teens (and from my own experiences too!)--these are the signs that the person is truly sincere with you:

1. Willingness of your partner to be exclusive--in dating you!When your partner is willing to admit that she's willing to share the power (exlvusivity with you) and admit her vulnerability, not only she is in love, but she will sound like a rational, fairly adult soul .

2. Her willingness to go someplace she actually hate or do something she's not use to doing in the past with someone she actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — are signs of the hallmarks of love.

3. If she has that hunger to discover who you are--thats a good sign too!

4. The most important sign though is this: IF SHE ALLOWS YOU TO BE YOURSELF!!! That is a very important aspect you have to look into. You see, when you're in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct and take chances with yourself and the relationship!

Loving is a good feeling--patuloy na mag mahal!