FinDinG Mr. RiGhT (& AvOiDing Mr. WRoNg!)

This weekend, I went out with a close friend (just a friend--really!he's an american--thats why he was brutally frank and direct!) and he asked me one very intriguing question---"NET--i want to know why you seem to have no plan to marry. Are you still looking for mR RIGHT? because if you do--I'm telling you now--MR RIGHT will not come--he's a fantasy character you know!". What an honest question and remark! I answered by just smiling--and remembered the same question from friends (believe me--i've been asked that same question for like a hundred times!). When I asked him why he's upset with my being single (still!)--he told me "neth--im upset because people whom i know will do good as parents are not married--and you're one of them!" (ouch!).

After that meeting--i reflected on our conversation and it really made me realize that marriage--just like any commitment should not be rushed (unless you risk yourself 50-50 in becoming an abused wife--or another unhappy wife in the statistics!). I was touched by my friend's concern but i always believe that the right time to marry should not be defined by age. I personally believe that marriage--just like any other commitments--should be studied well (like contracts!), should be prepared well (financially!) and mind and heart should be put into it! Like any corporate projects---partnership should always be looked into (if you give the project to wrong people--like marriage--it will collapse). I know many people can relate to my experiences of societal pressure to marry!Over and above the pressure--the society places the rough challenge on young adults that are expected to raise a family over a career!

• After reflecting on my friend's question--i felt that over and above finding MR right--I should get a life first by being the Ms. Right myself. I often asked myself these questions: are you willing to give up your "busy-as bee hectic" life? your charity work? or your little shopping adventures? for a life of marriage (settling-down thing?).



• Do you actually know what you are looking for in a man? like maybe-- having common values and similar culture, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and confronted without defensiveness, desire to raise children and common goals?! (at least looking at one direction!)



• Or are you willing to rise above your past relationship mistakes. Remembering that you are not doomed to an endless series of losers and that you are half-way to Mr. RIGHT by seeing what you have done wrong in the past? (why my past relationships didnt worked?



• Or if I am open to matchmaking (thats the scary part!)--(i guess i will prefer dating my friends than strangers!)



• Or do i have the specific detail to expect a human being as a partner, not someone perfect?! Believing that no one is going to be everything I have ever dreamed of. Reminding myself that I am not Ms. Perfect as well and allow for human frailty?!

Whew! Reflecting can really suck your energy! But more than the realizations after these reflections--i believe that the most important thing in life--wether you are for marriage or single-blessedness is to LOVE YOURSELF!Decide who you are and love that person first. If you couldn't love yourself, nobody else would love you either. What you feel about yourself will radiate in your actions and this is what your potential mate will see in you--

So for people under so much pressure like me (societal pressure!), lets keep in mind that before finding mr right---let's learn to love ourselve more than anything else (but not in an egotistical way!) and start developing the MS/MR RIGHT in us--and everything will flow naturally.

To sum it all-- be proud of who you are. You are genuine, you are beautiful in your own ways and you should never change any of that for anyone. Always walk tall with your head held high, there is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman with confidence (vice-versa).

You see, everything starts within! Good luck!